For the newest brat....

For my darling sister - a beautiful, handmade, extremely soft cushion for your sure to be tender bottom *grins

And oh look !! It features the currently most popular girls' cartoon characters....

BRATZ !!

Tiggr....kay....PLEASE look after your new recruit - we don't want Dragon M Sir's arm getting too sore from all that spanking when she's a brat!!

laughing, hugs and kisses
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Get Well Soon

For my favourite Sir.....get well soon, if we could, we'd send You a nurse for 24/7 care !

kussssssssssssss
Your fox

Confidence....

I've learnt a lot this past few months, and my confidence has grown immeasurably. I've done things I never thought I'd do, and changed how I react to certain situations too.

A certain Sir had me writing a poem, something which I've always said I'm no good at. I worked hard on it, and by the time it was finished felt extremely proud. And He loved it, so that left a very happy girl here *smiles (if I ever get brave enough I may even post it on the blog !).

And of course there was the infamous Vogel Rok rollercoaster when the girls and I visited Sir and lessa. What started off as teasing ended up with Him giving me the confidence to go on a rollercoaster for the first time in my life. Admittedly I clung to His hand and buried my head in His chest all the way , but I did it !!

He also got me into sub space - again the first time in my life. That was an incredible experience, and left me absolutely speechless.

He's also taught me to let go - something I've never been good at. I was frustrated at something the other day, and pretty upset. When lessa came online, I asked if we could talk about it - we did, we agreed the best course of action and I asked for His approval on that. I also wrote down all my feelings on an email to Him - He can see what I was so upset about, and hopefully understand my reactions, and I've got it off my chest and not bottled it up. So now it's dealt with, I won't 'go back there', it's a closed book.

Having Someone that I can go to without worrying about being rejected, who follows through on His word and who lets me know how important I am to Him and lessa means the world to me. I have so many less fears with Him. I can be myself. In France, if I wanted to sit at His feet - I did. If I wanted a cuddle, I wrapped my arms around Him and hugged Him, or curled up on one side of Him on the couch while lessa was on the other side !! He takes an interest in all areas of my life, down to chatting with my colleague at work if I can't take His call !

Not having to second guess what He means, if He really meant what He said and 'does He really actually want to see me' means that I can concentrate on the things He wants me to. As I've said before, I'm not His slave - I'm His fox - but He says nothing to me that He doesn't say to lessa - no double standards. Lessa and I talk about everything and she's well aware of my feelings. I've been extremely blessed with both of my sisters. I couldn't have wished for any better.

I know I'll never see as much of Him as lessa does....they're in the same country !! But because that's what I expect, that's what I know and understand, I have no problems with it whatsoever. There's no secrecy and everything is out in the open - I know where I stand.

I know who I am.

I'm His fox.

kussssssssssss for Sir and lessa
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A recipe....

I admit to being a painslut submissive who LOVES chains, beatings and hard play, but I have my sensitive side too ! *grins

I found this 'recipe' in a WI cookbook I love, for making jams, preserves and chutneys (can't you just see me in a frilly apron in the kitchen?).

I've had one of those days where I took something that someone said to heart, and upset myself about it for the majority of the day. I'm now concentrating on not letting this issue become 'another brick in the wall' (apologies to Pink Floyd) that I build to protect myself.

And this recipe seemed so, so perfect today.


Recipe for preserving friends

Select those with round hearts
Don't bruise with unfeeling words
Add a heartful of the milk of human kindness and plenty of tact
Warm with sympathy
Don't overheat or it may ferment mischief
Knead with oil of unselfishness but beware of jars
Keep in a warm corner of the heart

Years will improve the flavour of this preserve


I know I'm extremely lucky in my friends, they support, love and help me and I enjoy their company so much. I can't imagine not having them.

Thank you all so much.

By the way.....I also have some GREAT recipes for marmalade !!

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Meet the boys !!

Ok....I saw a beautiful Dutch Belgian Shepherd dog the other day, so I thought I'd share a picture of my boys - my two lovely golden retrievers.

Jorge (the paler dog)we had from a pup and is now four, and Bruce was a rescue dog. His details were in the paper as free to good home from a local animal rescue centre. They said he his elderly owner had died and he missed his cuddles and lying by the fire. He's certainly made up for that ! At fourteen years old, we've certainly enjoyed his company for longer than the RSPCA said we would - they told us he'd be around for a maximum of a year. But you should see him, at times he acts like a puppy. And he - like Jorge - absolutely adores the girls.

Two very happy dogs there *grins.


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For lessa....

all my love sweetheart, thinking of you.

kussssssssssssssssssss

Unusual....

.....for me to post two pictures in a week, but I loved this one. I love black and white photos, and this one really touched me.

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Coffee Morning....

Today was a big charity event at work - a coffee morning to raise funds for a well known charity. The idea is that people donate cakes to a sale, and other people can make a donation in exchange for a cake. Bear in mind we have 130 staff at our school.

Problem one - no-one donated cakes. So 'someone' had to go shopping last night, buy some cakes, and get up early this morning and make a lot of cakes (I had over 200 cakes to take in....I was very productive !)*grins. I was up so early this morning to start my baking, that by the time I got my usual much loved 'goedemorgen hugggs' text from Sir I'd already been busy for four hours !!!

Problem two - despite the flagrant advertising of the event in the staff newsletters, bulletin boards, word of mouth and judicious placing of advertising balloons about the fund raising event, several people made no donation at all. They took a cake, looked closely at all the advertising, then walked off. One person donated 20p, then proceeded to put eight cakes on a plate and left the room. At least now I know how he manages to save enough money to pay for his BMW.

From 130 staff, 200 cakes 'sold' - we took £19. Thats including eight people I know of that donated £1 for just one cake.

I know that times are hard, but these are people that every day spend a fortune in the staff canteen. The people that has the least money, donated the most.

I also know that it's wrong of me to judge people like this. But its so sad that an event like this was so poorly supported.

Every little helps in charity. Rather a good thing, don't you think?

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Offering.....

Absolutely beautiful - a girl offering the lead to her One. My kind of picture.

Kussssssssssssssss

Trust....

"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone--but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy."

Walter Anderson

Trust, in my opinion, has to be earned. A slow process and sometimes a matter of 'one step forwards and two steps back'. Certainly in a growing M/s relationship I find that reactions to conversations/events are often governed by long ingrained habits formed because of various life experiences.

I'm amazed at the trust I can have in someone, yet have so little faith in myself sometimes. I realised how much I trust someone yesterday - they have all of my contact numbers - work, home, mobiles, and all of my email addresses. They speak to my colleague at work, and they have met and love my kids. I trust them to the extent that my older daughter has their phone number in case she's ever concerned about anything and wants a friend to talk to. Now thats trust. Yes, I mean Dragon M Sir.

I've long had the habit of 'going back into my shell' if I feel awkward or in the way or upset. My stock phrases of 'never mind' and 'it doesnt matter' come into play and I shut myself down a little to try to deal with it. This is ingrained in me. I know that m:e used to recognise these things in me. She also has all of my contact details and is on my daughter's mobile phone list too.

This past few weeks, there have been instances of me being upset about something to do with Dragon M Sir. But let me emphasise this - it's me upsetting myself - not Him doing it. But I'm dealing with it so much better than I ever did before. On Sunday night in conversation with Him and lessa, I upset myself over something. Yes, I went quiet for a while, but then I said 'I'm sorry I went quiet, it's because I felt.......'. For me, that takes so much trust !!! And it was hard. But each time I open up to Dragon M Sir and/or lessa it gets easier.

I have this 'theory' in my head that if i keep a distance between myself and another, there's less room for hurt. Stay detached, less involved, less 'emotional' as I've been called and I can't get hurt so much. But that Man won't let me !!! He doesn't drag me back into the fold, so to speak, but He makes it damn awkward and uncomfortable to segregate myself. As He said once, He'll let me build walls to protect myself - but He knows which side of the wall He'll be on.

Last week I felt that I'd really embarrassed myself with Him because of how honest I'd been with Him over a topic, to the extent that I asked Him not to call me the next day - I honestly didn't know how I'd be able to speak to Him. The next day felt strange - yes, the fact that He didn't call, but more because I recognised that I'd created this barrier between us. So I emailed Him and said that I recognised that because I'd always hidden in the past with people, didn't mean I had to do the same with Him. He called me.

I'm truly learning the meaning of 'baring one's soul'. I'm learning to be open and really honest about everything, and not keep parts of me hidden away. I don't think there's any part of me now that Dragon M Sir hasn't seen - good and bad. He's still there - He isn't going anywhere. I haven't frightened Him off. Feeling this safe, to be able to be so open and know He still loves me and won't reject me is amazing.

Yes, Dragon M Sir has a heart of gold - but He is capable of anger. I've heard about His anger in the past, and am extremely relieved that I've never witnessed it. I'm His fox, not His slave or submissive, but He expects the same standards from me as from His lovely lessa. Personal standards, work standards, family standards and M/s standards. One of those standards is to be open and honest with Him always - and that really does mean not hiding my 'less confident' side.

As I said on lessa's blog last week - I can't imagine an earthquake big enough to shake the trust that I have in the two of them.

Not even an earthquake that I subconsciously create myself.

All my love to you both
kussssssss en knuffels voor mijn lieve zussie en Dragon M Sir. Ik houd van u

A beautiful day....

Eleven years ago today I got married. It wasn't a huge wedding, as money was tight, but we were blessed with beautiful weather on the day.

As my friends know, I've had some really hard times in my marriage, and actually went through the process of filing for divorce. On our last anniversary we didn't even exchange cards because the day before I'd been at the solicitors. I still remember how awkward it was with people coming round giving us cards - we kept our problems hidden from most of our friends and family.

This year - we've worked hard to try to overcome our problems. We've listened to each other more and tried really hard. When m:e visited, she said that she could see the difference. We're making a conscious effort to make our marriage work. We do still love each other.

So, today, we exchanged cards and gifts. Tonight we're out at a friend's wedding reception, and will be the first time in ages that we've had a night out without the kids.

So Happy Anniversary to us....eleven years of marriage, nineteen years together. We're celebrating the fact that we love each other enough to keep on trying.

It's a beautiful day.

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Proud Mum again

I’m only working a half day at school today (big cheers of yessssss!!!!!!!!!!).

My thirteen year old daughter came home from school yesterday clutching a letter from her head teacher – the school has an Annual Achievement Day to celebrate personal successes throughout the school, and my daughter has apparently won one !!

We don’t know which one she’s won yet – we only find out at the ceremony. But I’m so proud of her, she deserves an award just for her positive thinking.

She also auditioned for the school pantomime this week. Last year she played the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz and was a huge hit – she has a talent for comedy! Elle came to see her one day, and was just as proud of her as I was. This year they’re doing Cinderella, and she’s hoping for the part of the wicked stepmother – they’ll assign parts at the end of the week. The school sells DVDs of the show, so I think that copies will find their way to Wales and Holland ! *grins

Such a proud Mum here !!

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Update-


My beautiful daughter won FOUR awards-

Outstanding Contribution in Her Year
Outstanding Achievement (best in year) for English
Outstanding Achievement (best in year) for history
Outstanding Achievement and Development in BTEC Performing Arts

She was the best out of over one hundred and fifty students for eack of those awards - to my mind - she's the best in the whole damn school. *grins
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A present....

....from my lovely Dutch sister for me. Sooo sexy but shy too *grins

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All for One !!!!!!!

Ok....I just had to post this pic !!! But please lessa....tell me we don't have to grow beards??!!

Laughing

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Home Sweet Home....

I've been looking for a new 'home' for my blog for some time - a blog with a few more features. I finally found an ideal host, and set up a new blog under the same name - Positive Submission.

It's great - it has the category feature I wanted, the ability to keep a photo up permanently on the home page and other things that I'd identified as being necessary for my new home.

I sent the link to lessa for her to give me her opinion...she's far more technical than I !! As we were talking about it, I explained to her that I wasn't sure if I actually wanted to move to the new blog. Yes, it does what I want it to, but it didn't feel quite right. We agreed that there's so much history on this site - a lot of tears but a lot of love, and I realised, I really don't want to 'leave home'. So I'm not moving house , but I may redecorate occasionally *smiles. But thinking about moving got me to thinking about how I use the blog, and the postings I make.

Yes, I've changed a lot...but my blog reflects that. I've been told by someone special that the clare who posted on the original Sub Space and Submissive Sisters is not the same clare who writes here.

My circumstances have changed. I am now under the care of Dragon M Sir. I've been pretty careful about how I talk about Him and lessa, in case I got comments about the speed with which I submitted to Him. You may remember that when Mike released me, I had many nasty comments in my regular chatroom about how I couldn't have felt anything for Him if I wasn't screaming hysterically at being released. So I held back until recently on how I talked about Dragon M Sir in case I had the same reaction.

But you know what? Stuff that. Anyone who has negative comments about my relationship with Him obviously doesn't understand the three of us, and the friendship which we have had for a long time. And that doesn't matter - we know and understand it.

So from now on, if I want to post a picture for Him, or a poem, or a story - I will. If I want to tell Him I love Him - I will. I was pretty emotional in my posts about France, and I shall continue to be so should I choose.

I'm lessa's sister, and Dragon M Sir's fox - a name which He gave me to give us the space to build our relationship without having pre-defined labels such as slave or submissive. I'm very, very proud to be both sister and fox. I accept that He wants the best for me, and as such listen to His advice on many things.

He also listens to me - He understood how important it was for me the first time that I knelt for Him. Kneeling is such a big thing for me; its a true show of submission and I gladly knelt for Him when the time was right. Lessa and I kneeling together for Him in France was a wonderful thing, it showed such acceptance of me as His fox and as lessa's sister.

So I'm staying on this blog, and will proudly nails my colours to the mast.

I'm lessa's sister - I'm Sir's fox. And a very, very happy girl *smiles

All my love to both of you

kussssssssssssssssssssss

Wishes....

Just recently I've been fully fired up for a 'self audit' of my life. So much has settled down now, things that in the past caused me problems or self doubt and now a great deal of that is on a more even keel.

As promised in a much earlier posting, I've been far more open to new experiences, to learning new things - including my speedboat ride and the dreaded Vogel Rok rollercoaster in Holland !! I've tried a great many things that I wouldn't normally have done - an indication of my growing self confidence, I believe.

Last week I wrote a list of things I want to do.....or want to be. A wish list, if you like. They included serious things as well as more frivolous, but all of them important to me. Some are long term goals, others more immediate ones. But even the long term goals give me something to aim for and work towards. I was 'requested' to send a copy to a certain Dutch Gentleman, so a copy swiftly found it's way to Him, along with mutterings from me of 'don't laugh !!!'.

He didn't laugh of course - He supports 100% (no, not 110%). He said He loves the list, and I think we'll have quite a discussion about it at some point. I've now broken the list down into smaller segments, including details of how I'm going to achieve, what I can do already to work towards a particular goal.

I've only really included things that I can control to a great extent. Things that are beyond my control aren't on the list - I won't include things that depend on other people. But the things that I have included will keep me busy for quite a while *smiles.

I've gained so much self confidence in the past few months - time to put some of it to use and address my wishes.

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So proud....

My older daughter yesterday went to audition as a dancer in the local theatre's christmas pantomime.

She loves dancing. She's studying for a BTEC in performing arts, and dance is a major part of that. She's performed for local dignitaries, football clubs and other shows, and loved it all.

She spent four hours at the auditions, but sadly didnt get through. But I was so proud of her!! Her attitude before the auditions was one of 'well....I probably won't get through, but its good experience, and it will help me for any other auditions I go to'.

A friend of hers went to the same auditions and upon hearing she hadn't got through, stamped her feet and cried and sulked (so grown up for a thirteen year old). My daughter cuddled her and told her all about good experience, and how she should be proud that she had the confidence to go for the audition. Her friends mum just stood there staring at my girl, amazed at the wisdom coming forth !

I love that girl, and I'm so damn proud of her.

In case you hadn't noticed *grins.

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Welkom terug lessa en Dragon M Sir - dankjewel voor alles. Ik houd van u.

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Memories part 2....

I had to write a list of some of the lovely memories from the holiday, not all mentioned in my previous posts.

- My first view of the cottage, surrounded by lavender
- My first view of my bedroom
- Dragon M Sir doing a 'dance' for lessa *grins
- Seeing His face when I did my dance for Him
- Sitting watching a soppy film with lessa, feeling so relaxed
- Happily working in the kitchen, cooking away to my heart's content
- The sound of the crickets as we drifted off to sleep
- Sitting at the restaurant on my final day, a sleeping cat at my feet, enjoying wonderful food
- Dragon M Sir leading us both out onto the road at the side of the house at 11pm one night when we were clothed only in togas, leaning us against the wall of a derelict cottage and delivering a lovely spanking
- Seeing Him just sitting under the tree in the garden, with a coffee and a book
- The three of us falling asleep in the huge bed each night
- Lessa's reactions when she saw some of the sights in the caves and castle....wowie !!!!!
- A moonlight walk with Him on Tuesday evening, Him telling me He knew what my wish was and how proud of me He was
- The scenery....every turn on every road brought more beautiful fields and buildings
- lessa and I getting ready for His special meal.....togas and grecian style hair *smiles
- Just seeing the two of them together
- lessa and I singing 'Its subbie night....and the feelings right !!!' down the phone to elle as Dragon M Sir talked to her
- Just the look on His face at the meal we prepared - priceless
- Another look - but this time on lessa's face when He gave me one HELL of a hard spanking !!
- ohhhhhhhh.....Dragon M Sir giving me permission to spank His butt !! I stood there for what seemed like ages desperately wanting to do it but not daring ! But in the end, I left a beautiful hand mark there.....weg.
- laughing so hard with lessa that tears streamed down out cheeks when He served us drinks dressed just in a 'special' piece of clothing !!

Grins.........I have to say, I really remember how nervous I felt getting up to do the arabic dance for Him - but I loved doing it. I'm just glad He didn't want me to do it in front of a larger audience !! That might have made me call redredred!!!

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Memories....

Ok, now I've stopped crying because of leaving DragonM Sir and lessa, and reading the post He left on my blog I'll try to write a bit more about the holiday !!

When I arrived at the airport on Sunday morning, I was amazed at how small it was. The arrivals 'terminal' was basically a large metal shed! However as I looked out of the hugedoors I saw my sis standing there waving frantically at me, and then Dragon M Sir appeared behind her - so as soon as I grabbed my luggage I was over there with them, hugging soooooo hard !!

We went over to the cafe for a much needed coffee (I almost missed my flight but that's another story!!), and we quickly settled back into being together again. Then Dragon M Sir reminded me of how I would be travelling back to the cottage - *blushes*. No underwear at all, then He chained me as I sat in the back of the car (oh I love my chains). A lovely, long, hot drive home to the cottage and we had a lazy few hours. They showed me my bedroom - grins - all wooden beams, with my rubber flogger and another I love hanging from the beams, along with a leather leash. Other equipment that I'm particularly partial to was laid out on the top of the chest of draws. Then Dragon M Sir told me to wait upstairs for Him, in the position He liked. He was so pleased when He came in to me, and after a few hours, left me a very happy girl !! Every time I thought He couldn't do any more - He did. And I was so glad I learnt to ask mag ik klaar komen alstublieft?? *grins.

After I recovered from that, we all went to a lovely cafe in Sarlat, that Dragon M Sir particularly loves. We all dressed up and looked our best......we had a wonderful time. So relaxed, so unrushed, just enjoying the food and the company.

When we got back to the cabin, we thought that Dragon M Sir would be too tired to play but er....we were wrong. Another session followed, one which culminated in me experiencing sub space for the first time. To use a favourite word of lessa's........wow!

Monday was our subbie day, so He said we could do what we wanted....til midnight *grins. We visited the castle and the Lescaux caves, and enjoyed the 33 degree heat. We had lunch at the Sarlat cafe again, and generally had a relaxed day. We had to go shopping for some food supplies, and we knew what Dragon M Sir would say when lessa and I emerged from a second supermarket carrying two or three big bags after we only went in for coffee and tomatoes !! "HOW many tomatoes did you buy ?? ". The look on His face as we walked towards Him with the shopping was so funny. We ended the day all three of us snuggled up in the huge bed, listening to the crickets as we drifted off.

Tuesday started with breakfast in bed for lessa and me - Dragon M Sir bringing us fresh pastries, coffee and juice. He then told lessa He wanted her downstairs and dressed after the meal - and me downstairs and naked. He intended chaining me to the wooden stairs and then taking lessa shopping - this would be a test for us both...lessa is so protective of me !!! So a naked, chained girl waited for Sir to come back - not knowing that He'd driven off and left lessa outside the house as a safety measure. After a while He returned and lessa went out to the shops. He had me crawling, begging, chains hurting, spanking, floggings..........so much. I took a lot of pain play, and eventually we seemed to tire each other out. Grins. That same day He did a full body rope bondage on me...leaving me with lovely marks. Then out to the second caves, and lunch in the most beautiful cafe Ive ever seen, where a confused Dutch party apparently sat trying to guess the relationship between the three of us !!! The caves were wonderful, andthey included a font where you could dip your hand in the cool water and make a wish. We all wished, and the astute Dragon M Sir says He knows what I wished for. We'll see. *grins.

My last night I felt rather sad. I upset myself quite a bit at one point because I felt responsible for Dragon M Sir being so tired - He slept for a few hours in the afternoon. As lessa and He pointed out, it was probably the wasp sting and the medication that knocked Him out. I had a wonderful moonlight walk with Him, and a lovely talk. Then inside we all enjoyed electro play, spankings and His cane.

After the play, we all went back downstairs, and I performed the arabic dance that Id rehearsed so hard. He seemed to enjoy it *smiles. I certainly loved dancing for Him.

Our last night was spent all snuggled in the big bed again, to be woken at 6am so that we could get to the airport for my flight. Me being the emotional girl I am, had red eyes for a good part of the day. Saying goodbye at the airport was sooooo hard, but I know that we'll see each other again. I'm not worried about this being the last time *smiles.

I loved seeing Dragon M Sir and lessa together. They're so natural, and so loving. They express their feelings openly, and never once acted differently because I was there. I felt accepted and loved.

I'll finish this posting now, because I have to be at work soon and if I type more about the wonderful time I spent with them I'll have red eyes again!

Dammit - too late.

You gave me so much to think about, so much to love and so much to cherish.

Thank you both.......all my love.

fox