Planning France 2011

Imagine its 2010.....we girls want to get started planning important things, like our annual trip to France next year - our 5th anniversary

lessa: hugsssssssssssssssssss her sis.... hey.... the date is set...
lessa: september 6 2011....
lessa: and a couple of days later our guests will arive.. but first a few days that castle for the three of us...
clare: now I just can't wait to see the dungeon...
clare: grins
lessa: I wonder what Dante and tiggr will say.... if they see this castle...
clare: they'll say ..which bedroom will we have? grins
lessa: such a great idea of DragonM to invite a few very close friends for a week...
lessa: can't wait to see Angel and Hans there... and jr and sergantP
clare: uhmmm.. the bedroom with the big bed is for DragonM and us..
lessa: with the beams...
clare: lol !!
lessa: now have you any idea what he has in mind for those first few days alone?
clare: So looking forward to just being with Him. The thought of His arms around us…..and what we’ll all do after we leave the warmth of the log fire in the main room, and make our way upstairs. All of us in that big bed…..wondering if He brought the cane……the flogger…..He will have two very, very excited girls.
lessa: OK... now I am melting, and already it is so hard to wait till we finally can go
clare: And of course, any ice we didn't use in our drinks downstairs will, we're sure, be put to excellent use in bed
clare: of course !!! *big innocent smile
lessa: heyyyyyyyyy, now I am having goosebumps... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
clare: we deserve more then that
lessa: mmmmm, well I am wondering if M:e and Mike will be able to make it, they are on holiday together just before our week
clare: I'd love to see them - it would be lovely if all our friends could be there
lessa: I do hope we have some time to visit some of those nice Perigord Noir sites we all love
lessa: do you remember the first time the three of us went together... already 5 years ago
clare: nodding hard.....all those dark caves...sooo many places for us to be in *weg*
clare: 5 years !! that long ??? I remember it so well
lessa: mmmm, you loved those caves, and the midnite walks
lessa: but now we are gonna have a France special with so many close friends
clare: the midnight walks....the long trips to that lake nearby.....
lessa: I think even Fian and kd will be able to make it
lessa: oh boy, we need a kitchen schedule
clare: *raises hand....erm...can I do the cooking????
clare: grins
lessa: uhmmm, you will need somne help!
clare: and I'll even dress as a maid for Sir!
lessa: hugsssssssssss her sis... that sure will surprise him!
clare: surely the best person to help in the kitchen would be 'spice' ?? *grins
lessa: ohhhhhhhh yes, and sergeantP can peel potatoes...
clare: huggsss..I love seeing Him so happy...remember that first time in France when we knelt for Him..in togas?
lessa: yes, heyyyyy, maybe it would be an idea if all of us ladies had one of those
clare: yesssss.....all of the men so proud *smiles
lessa: well, as long as DragonM is proud of us, then I am ever so happy
clare: whispers ...best keep M:e out of the kitchen - I remember how dangerous she is with a wooden spoon !!! *grins
clare: smiles...yep, He's the important one
lessa: ohhhhhh, do tell me *winks*
clare: *coughs* chasing a certain Dom around a kitchen with it ...smacking a poor sister's bare bottom with it......
lessa: ooopsssssssss.... mmmmm, now I can't se that happening in such a lovely castle...
clare: that first time in France was the first time I begged for His cane
clare: grins.....but in that lovely castle..so much more room to chase a Dom around !!
lessa: all those lovely memories... and we are gonna make so much more... 2011... 2016.... 2021... mmmmmmmmmmm
clare: smiles....i LOVE making memories with you and Sir
clare: grins...so many memories....kinky and otherwise !
lessa: mmmmmmm... love you..lots.....
clare: love you so much
lessa: cheers, to many more years of DragonM and us!

With all our love to DragonM, from His fox and His lessa

Changes....

NOT the kind of clothes I wear to my office job! But yes, I do wear pinstripes!!

I flopped down to go online for a short while yesterday after spending a few hours sorting through my wardrobes. I needed a rest - lol - I cleared out twelve bags of old clothes altogether !! I had a brief chat with M:e on IM about how we both found it easier now to throw things out - we had less inclination to hang onto things 'just in case'.

The clear out made me realise how much I've changed in some respects. My taste in clothes has changed beyond recognition in the past couple of years. My elder daughter will often see something in my wardrobe and say, 'hmmm.....that's not really you anymore is it Mum?'. The majority of my clothes used to make me blend in - become part of the background. I very rarely used to wear accessories because I deemed them a bit of a waste of time.

On Wednesday, my mother went shopping and bought me a top and jeans that she said were just my thing. Grins - she sees fantastic bargains when she's in Marks & Spencers !! When I saw them, I was quite surprised. A long baggy pink blouse ...did she really see me as wearing somthing like that ? But I realised that I had worn things like that for a long time, she just doesn't see me enough to know that I've changed, both in what I wear and in the way I am. For a long time I used to live in leggings and baggy t-shirts - I won't even wear them to go to bed in now !!

Last week at work, I was told by a colleague that I was in the male staff's 'top ten' of women at work that they'd like to ....er....*blushes*....get friendly with (and before ANYONE says it - no, thats NOT a top ten of only ten women, theres 62 women at work !!).After I dried up all the tears of laughter, picked myself off the floor and stopped hyperventilating he told me that its partly because of the way I dress and look, but partly because there's just 'something about me'. I'm fun, can talk about anything, they love the fact that I don't act differently with the men than the women. I don't put on an act. My colleague told me (with a twinkle in his eye) that I come across as someone who could be a very, very bad girl, and that's what the men love - they'd love to find out just how bad I can be. Grins....they have NO idea !!!

I'm not a small, thin woman by any stretch of the imagination ( and I have a good imagination). So it's lovely to hear this kind of comment, because as my friends know I've had enough negative comments about my size to last a lifetime.

Yes, I still have insecurities in my M/s life, that I generate myself, but in general my self confidence has soared. I'm a pretty strong, confident woman at work and a lot of that is thanks to my M/s life.

I do things now I never thought I'd do - fly to other countries on my own, take the kids abroad without my husband, I've just booked a private house in France for a weeks holiday with my husband and kids next year and am booking flights seperately- I'm not going on a 'safe' package holiday !! Dragon M Sir has said He'll let me practice driving His car to get used to driving on the wrong ......er I mean right side of the road. These are just a few of the things I now have the confidence to do.

Two weeks ago I was assaulted at work. A pupil kept slapping and punching me extremely viciously - I've had to report the assault and use several trees worth of paper to go through all the formalities. I've been told that if I proceed with all of this paperwork and get this boy - a strapping six footer - dealt with I'll probably get his gang of friends/monkeys to intimidate and threaten me.

But, I'm going ahead with it anyway. He will NOT get away with it. I'll see them on the corridors and I'll handle it. I won't let see how much he hurt me.

Now that's confidence.

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A hint....

I'm counting down now until my trip to see Sir and lessa on November 30th - He knows how much I need a spanking and some hard play *smiles (and hopefully He'll allow it !) so I thought I'd leave a picture of a beautiful bare bum - a blank canvas - for Him.......just to remind Him! *grins

kussssssssssssss
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Question time....

I went for an interview today, which instead of being the allocated one hour extended to two !!

Some of the questions I was asked (and the answers I didn't give !!)-

Do you see yourself as a leader?
Er.....more of a follower actually. I mean..have you ever tried leading Dragon M Sir???

Do you have problems taking orders?
Erm....nope, not from Dragon M *winks

Would you have any problems travelling?
Nope - I travel to Holland as much as possible

Are you open to the idea of training?
I'm very open to the idea of training, in fact I'm undergoing BDSM training right now

What training tools are you familiar with?
*blushes* cane, crop and a lovely rubber flogger

Are you familiar with disciplinary procedures?
Absolutely - Sir and I discuss where I went wrong, and how to rectify it. He doesn't use physical punishment but He does use.....oh wait !!! *slaps forehead* sorry !! misunderstood that one !!

What are your feelings on equal opportunities?
I endorse them wholeheartedly. I want an equal opportunity to get a spanked ass !

What hobbies do you have?
Kinky sex, kneeling for my Sir, being beaten, caned, flogged, spanked, caned, candle wax dripped on me, fisting, cropping, being chained, being made to crawl, sex chat rooms, reading my friends BDSM blogs, being my Sir's fox and pleasing Him in every way I can, needle play, knife play..........oh, and I like to bake

Here was a strange one.....do you consider yourself shy or outgoing?
Erm....I've had threesomes, had my then Master doing hard play on me in front of my two sisters and Dragon M Sir, had full play in a public play party, walked around naked with a VERY red arse in front of a full room, walked naked outdoors hand in hand with my sister in France, had my Sir beating my arse whilst I leant against the outside wall of a dilapidated cottage, sat in the back of Sir's car chained and half naked on the way to our cottage, walked around a Dutch safari park for a day wearing a vibrator which SOMEONE kept tutning on and off...on and off...all day long and didn't give permission !!!!!........DON'T think shy would apply !!

I would have LOVED to have given some of those answers ! *grins

Instead I was my usual professional, restrained, calm self and answered them all in a way that would make Dragon M Sir proud. But it's amazing how my M/s life can give me a slightly 'twisted' view on everyday things *grins.

Can't wait for my next interview !!!!

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Still learning....

Wow...no posts for ages, then two in one day.

I mentioned in a previous post about my tendency to hide - to build my wall. This happened again this week, quite severely.

Different factors over a period of about a week had left me feeling vulnerable and pretty weak. Some problems were M/s related - but of my own making - others weren't. Job problems, kid stuff, an assault at work all added up to my feeling so low. It pretty much came to a head one night this week when in IM with Sir, I mentally shut Him out, basically not talking with Him and doing my hiding routine. I took down one of my postings from this blog, and actually tried to temporarily close it - not permanently because I have too many precious memories on here.

The next day I talked it over with lessa, trying to explain exactly why I'd reacted the way I had, also giving her a copy of the explanatory e-mail that I had sent to Sir. But, how do I explain something I don't understand myself??

In a previous M/s relationship, I felt able to share only the 'good' side of me. I tried not to show any problems, however sometimes not showing them caused more difficulties in the end. When I had issues, and insecurity problems, I would try to shut myself away from him until they were solved and then emerge, thus keeping the negative side hidden away.

Lessa pointed something out to me - that submission isn't just the fun stuff, it's letting Him see the bad stuff too. She also pointed out that I gave Him the right to see all of me not just the bits I chose to show when I gave Him my submission. Basically - my sister kicked my arse, and not gently.

My discussion with her led to us narrowing down one of my problems - I actually get quite scared at how intense my feelings are. I've only known Sir since January real time, and obviously this past few months have really been a whirlwind. My release, my holiday with Sir and lessa and my daughters in Holland, then my holiday with them in France. So a lot in a relatively short space of time. It sometimes seems difficult to justify such strong feelings for Him after such a short time. But......do I need to justify? And to whom? I find it hard to comprehend how I can feel so safe and secure with Him, and still doubt myself so much, or at least my ability to please Him, to be what/who He wants.

I sometimes get scared of hurting Sir, lessa and yes....of hurting myself. And occasionally my old 'lets hide and create a distance between us so I don't get too close and get hurt' routine seems such an easy solution. But as lessa pointed out (rather forcefully!) submission isn't meant to always be easy, and besides....we don't quit !!

So I will listen to my sister and my Sir. I'll buckle down and get through my 'rough patch' - He knows whats on my mind, and He's still on my side of my wall. He isn't going anywhere else, and I know that lessa is with Him.

No-one else will ever cause enough insecurity to threaten what Sir, lessa and I have - I'm the only one who can threaten it, through my own insecurities. So I need to get those under control. It will happen. It's just a matter of time.

In the past, I've often been told one thing and seen something entirely different.

I just have to remember that Dragon M Sir is NOT one of those who have done that to me - ever - so, as lessa said, why make Him pay the price?


kusssssssssssss Sir, kussssssssssssss lessa

For the newest brat....

For my darling sister - a beautiful, handmade, extremely soft cushion for your sure to be tender bottom *grins

And oh look !! It features the currently most popular girls' cartoon characters....

BRATZ !!

Tiggr....kay....PLEASE look after your new recruit - we don't want Dragon M Sir's arm getting too sore from all that spanking when she's a brat!!

laughing, hugs and kisses
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Get Well Soon

For my favourite Sir.....get well soon, if we could, we'd send You a nurse for 24/7 care !

kussssssssssssss
Your fox

Confidence....

I've learnt a lot this past few months, and my confidence has grown immeasurably. I've done things I never thought I'd do, and changed how I react to certain situations too.

A certain Sir had me writing a poem, something which I've always said I'm no good at. I worked hard on it, and by the time it was finished felt extremely proud. And He loved it, so that left a very happy girl here *smiles (if I ever get brave enough I may even post it on the blog !).

And of course there was the infamous Vogel Rok rollercoaster when the girls and I visited Sir and lessa. What started off as teasing ended up with Him giving me the confidence to go on a rollercoaster for the first time in my life. Admittedly I clung to His hand and buried my head in His chest all the way , but I did it !!

He also got me into sub space - again the first time in my life. That was an incredible experience, and left me absolutely speechless.

He's also taught me to let go - something I've never been good at. I was frustrated at something the other day, and pretty upset. When lessa came online, I asked if we could talk about it - we did, we agreed the best course of action and I asked for His approval on that. I also wrote down all my feelings on an email to Him - He can see what I was so upset about, and hopefully understand my reactions, and I've got it off my chest and not bottled it up. So now it's dealt with, I won't 'go back there', it's a closed book.

Having Someone that I can go to without worrying about being rejected, who follows through on His word and who lets me know how important I am to Him and lessa means the world to me. I have so many less fears with Him. I can be myself. In France, if I wanted to sit at His feet - I did. If I wanted a cuddle, I wrapped my arms around Him and hugged Him, or curled up on one side of Him on the couch while lessa was on the other side !! He takes an interest in all areas of my life, down to chatting with my colleague at work if I can't take His call !

Not having to second guess what He means, if He really meant what He said and 'does He really actually want to see me' means that I can concentrate on the things He wants me to. As I've said before, I'm not His slave - I'm His fox - but He says nothing to me that He doesn't say to lessa - no double standards. Lessa and I talk about everything and she's well aware of my feelings. I've been extremely blessed with both of my sisters. I couldn't have wished for any better.

I know I'll never see as much of Him as lessa does....they're in the same country !! But because that's what I expect, that's what I know and understand, I have no problems with it whatsoever. There's no secrecy and everything is out in the open - I know where I stand.

I know who I am.

I'm His fox.

kussssssssssss for Sir and lessa
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A recipe....

I admit to being a painslut submissive who LOVES chains, beatings and hard play, but I have my sensitive side too ! *grins

I found this 'recipe' in a WI cookbook I love, for making jams, preserves and chutneys (can't you just see me in a frilly apron in the kitchen?).

I've had one of those days where I took something that someone said to heart, and upset myself about it for the majority of the day. I'm now concentrating on not letting this issue become 'another brick in the wall' (apologies to Pink Floyd) that I build to protect myself.

And this recipe seemed so, so perfect today.


Recipe for preserving friends

Select those with round hearts
Don't bruise with unfeeling words
Add a heartful of the milk of human kindness and plenty of tact
Warm with sympathy
Don't overheat or it may ferment mischief
Knead with oil of unselfishness but beware of jars
Keep in a warm corner of the heart

Years will improve the flavour of this preserve


I know I'm extremely lucky in my friends, they support, love and help me and I enjoy their company so much. I can't imagine not having them.

Thank you all so much.

By the way.....I also have some GREAT recipes for marmalade !!

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Meet the boys !!

Ok....I saw a beautiful Dutch Belgian Shepherd dog the other day, so I thought I'd share a picture of my boys - my two lovely golden retrievers.

Jorge (the paler dog)we had from a pup and is now four, and Bruce was a rescue dog. His details were in the paper as free to good home from a local animal rescue centre. They said he his elderly owner had died and he missed his cuddles and lying by the fire. He's certainly made up for that ! At fourteen years old, we've certainly enjoyed his company for longer than the RSPCA said we would - they told us he'd be around for a maximum of a year. But you should see him, at times he acts like a puppy. And he - like Jorge - absolutely adores the girls.

Two very happy dogs there *grins.


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For lessa....

all my love sweetheart, thinking of you.

kussssssssssssssssssss

Unusual....

.....for me to post two pictures in a week, but I loved this one. I love black and white photos, and this one really touched me.

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Coffee Morning....

Today was a big charity event at work - a coffee morning to raise funds for a well known charity. The idea is that people donate cakes to a sale, and other people can make a donation in exchange for a cake. Bear in mind we have 130 staff at our school.

Problem one - no-one donated cakes. So 'someone' had to go shopping last night, buy some cakes, and get up early this morning and make a lot of cakes (I had over 200 cakes to take in....I was very productive !)*grins. I was up so early this morning to start my baking, that by the time I got my usual much loved 'goedemorgen hugggs' text from Sir I'd already been busy for four hours !!!

Problem two - despite the flagrant advertising of the event in the staff newsletters, bulletin boards, word of mouth and judicious placing of advertising balloons about the fund raising event, several people made no donation at all. They took a cake, looked closely at all the advertising, then walked off. One person donated 20p, then proceeded to put eight cakes on a plate and left the room. At least now I know how he manages to save enough money to pay for his BMW.

From 130 staff, 200 cakes 'sold' - we took £19. Thats including eight people I know of that donated £1 for just one cake.

I know that times are hard, but these are people that every day spend a fortune in the staff canteen. The people that has the least money, donated the most.

I also know that it's wrong of me to judge people like this. But its so sad that an event like this was so poorly supported.

Every little helps in charity. Rather a good thing, don't you think?

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Offering.....

Absolutely beautiful - a girl offering the lead to her One. My kind of picture.

Kussssssssssssssss

Trust....

"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone--but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy."

Walter Anderson

Trust, in my opinion, has to be earned. A slow process and sometimes a matter of 'one step forwards and two steps back'. Certainly in a growing M/s relationship I find that reactions to conversations/events are often governed by long ingrained habits formed because of various life experiences.

I'm amazed at the trust I can have in someone, yet have so little faith in myself sometimes. I realised how much I trust someone yesterday - they have all of my contact numbers - work, home, mobiles, and all of my email addresses. They speak to my colleague at work, and they have met and love my kids. I trust them to the extent that my older daughter has their phone number in case she's ever concerned about anything and wants a friend to talk to. Now thats trust. Yes, I mean Dragon M Sir.

I've long had the habit of 'going back into my shell' if I feel awkward or in the way or upset. My stock phrases of 'never mind' and 'it doesnt matter' come into play and I shut myself down a little to try to deal with it. This is ingrained in me. I know that m:e used to recognise these things in me. She also has all of my contact details and is on my daughter's mobile phone list too.

This past few weeks, there have been instances of me being upset about something to do with Dragon M Sir. But let me emphasise this - it's me upsetting myself - not Him doing it. But I'm dealing with it so much better than I ever did before. On Sunday night in conversation with Him and lessa, I upset myself over something. Yes, I went quiet for a while, but then I said 'I'm sorry I went quiet, it's because I felt.......'. For me, that takes so much trust !!! And it was hard. But each time I open up to Dragon M Sir and/or lessa it gets easier.

I have this 'theory' in my head that if i keep a distance between myself and another, there's less room for hurt. Stay detached, less involved, less 'emotional' as I've been called and I can't get hurt so much. But that Man won't let me !!! He doesn't drag me back into the fold, so to speak, but He makes it damn awkward and uncomfortable to segregate myself. As He said once, He'll let me build walls to protect myself - but He knows which side of the wall He'll be on.

Last week I felt that I'd really embarrassed myself with Him because of how honest I'd been with Him over a topic, to the extent that I asked Him not to call me the next day - I honestly didn't know how I'd be able to speak to Him. The next day felt strange - yes, the fact that He didn't call, but more because I recognised that I'd created this barrier between us. So I emailed Him and said that I recognised that because I'd always hidden in the past with people, didn't mean I had to do the same with Him. He called me.

I'm truly learning the meaning of 'baring one's soul'. I'm learning to be open and really honest about everything, and not keep parts of me hidden away. I don't think there's any part of me now that Dragon M Sir hasn't seen - good and bad. He's still there - He isn't going anywhere. I haven't frightened Him off. Feeling this safe, to be able to be so open and know He still loves me and won't reject me is amazing.

Yes, Dragon M Sir has a heart of gold - but He is capable of anger. I've heard about His anger in the past, and am extremely relieved that I've never witnessed it. I'm His fox, not His slave or submissive, but He expects the same standards from me as from His lovely lessa. Personal standards, work standards, family standards and M/s standards. One of those standards is to be open and honest with Him always - and that really does mean not hiding my 'less confident' side.

As I said on lessa's blog last week - I can't imagine an earthquake big enough to shake the trust that I have in the two of them.

Not even an earthquake that I subconsciously create myself.

All my love to you both
kussssssss en knuffels voor mijn lieve zussie en Dragon M Sir. Ik houd van u

A beautiful day....

Eleven years ago today I got married. It wasn't a huge wedding, as money was tight, but we were blessed with beautiful weather on the day.

As my friends know, I've had some really hard times in my marriage, and actually went through the process of filing for divorce. On our last anniversary we didn't even exchange cards because the day before I'd been at the solicitors. I still remember how awkward it was with people coming round giving us cards - we kept our problems hidden from most of our friends and family.

This year - we've worked hard to try to overcome our problems. We've listened to each other more and tried really hard. When m:e visited, she said that she could see the difference. We're making a conscious effort to make our marriage work. We do still love each other.

So, today, we exchanged cards and gifts. Tonight we're out at a friend's wedding reception, and will be the first time in ages that we've had a night out without the kids.

So Happy Anniversary to us....eleven years of marriage, nineteen years together. We're celebrating the fact that we love each other enough to keep on trying.

It's a beautiful day.

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Proud Mum again

I’m only working a half day at school today (big cheers of yessssss!!!!!!!!!!).

My thirteen year old daughter came home from school yesterday clutching a letter from her head teacher – the school has an Annual Achievement Day to celebrate personal successes throughout the school, and my daughter has apparently won one !!

We don’t know which one she’s won yet – we only find out at the ceremony. But I’m so proud of her, she deserves an award just for her positive thinking.

She also auditioned for the school pantomime this week. Last year she played the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz and was a huge hit – she has a talent for comedy! Elle came to see her one day, and was just as proud of her as I was. This year they’re doing Cinderella, and she’s hoping for the part of the wicked stepmother – they’ll assign parts at the end of the week. The school sells DVDs of the show, so I think that copies will find their way to Wales and Holland ! *grins

Such a proud Mum here !!

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Update-


My beautiful daughter won FOUR awards-

Outstanding Contribution in Her Year
Outstanding Achievement (best in year) for English
Outstanding Achievement (best in year) for history
Outstanding Achievement and Development in BTEC Performing Arts

She was the best out of over one hundred and fifty students for eack of those awards - to my mind - she's the best in the whole damn school. *grins
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A present....

....from my lovely Dutch sister for me. Sooo sexy but shy too *grins

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All for One !!!!!!!

Ok....I just had to post this pic !!! But please lessa....tell me we don't have to grow beards??!!

Laughing

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Home Sweet Home....

I've been looking for a new 'home' for my blog for some time - a blog with a few more features. I finally found an ideal host, and set up a new blog under the same name - Positive Submission.

It's great - it has the category feature I wanted, the ability to keep a photo up permanently on the home page and other things that I'd identified as being necessary for my new home.

I sent the link to lessa for her to give me her opinion...she's far more technical than I !! As we were talking about it, I explained to her that I wasn't sure if I actually wanted to move to the new blog. Yes, it does what I want it to, but it didn't feel quite right. We agreed that there's so much history on this site - a lot of tears but a lot of love, and I realised, I really don't want to 'leave home'. So I'm not moving house , but I may redecorate occasionally *smiles. But thinking about moving got me to thinking about how I use the blog, and the postings I make.

Yes, I've changed a lot...but my blog reflects that. I've been told by someone special that the clare who posted on the original Sub Space and Submissive Sisters is not the same clare who writes here.

My circumstances have changed. I am now under the care of Dragon M Sir. I've been pretty careful about how I talk about Him and lessa, in case I got comments about the speed with which I submitted to Him. You may remember that when Mike released me, I had many nasty comments in my regular chatroom about how I couldn't have felt anything for Him if I wasn't screaming hysterically at being released. So I held back until recently on how I talked about Dragon M Sir in case I had the same reaction.

But you know what? Stuff that. Anyone who has negative comments about my relationship with Him obviously doesn't understand the three of us, and the friendship which we have had for a long time. And that doesn't matter - we know and understand it.

So from now on, if I want to post a picture for Him, or a poem, or a story - I will. If I want to tell Him I love Him - I will. I was pretty emotional in my posts about France, and I shall continue to be so should I choose.

I'm lessa's sister, and Dragon M Sir's fox - a name which He gave me to give us the space to build our relationship without having pre-defined labels such as slave or submissive. I'm very, very proud to be both sister and fox. I accept that He wants the best for me, and as such listen to His advice on many things.

He also listens to me - He understood how important it was for me the first time that I knelt for Him. Kneeling is such a big thing for me; its a true show of submission and I gladly knelt for Him when the time was right. Lessa and I kneeling together for Him in France was a wonderful thing, it showed such acceptance of me as His fox and as lessa's sister.

So I'm staying on this blog, and will proudly nails my colours to the mast.

I'm lessa's sister - I'm Sir's fox. And a very, very happy girl *smiles

All my love to both of you

kussssssssssssssssssssss

Wishes....

Just recently I've been fully fired up for a 'self audit' of my life. So much has settled down now, things that in the past caused me problems or self doubt and now a great deal of that is on a more even keel.

As promised in a much earlier posting, I've been far more open to new experiences, to learning new things - including my speedboat ride and the dreaded Vogel Rok rollercoaster in Holland !! I've tried a great many things that I wouldn't normally have done - an indication of my growing self confidence, I believe.

Last week I wrote a list of things I want to do.....or want to be. A wish list, if you like. They included serious things as well as more frivolous, but all of them important to me. Some are long term goals, others more immediate ones. But even the long term goals give me something to aim for and work towards. I was 'requested' to send a copy to a certain Dutch Gentleman, so a copy swiftly found it's way to Him, along with mutterings from me of 'don't laugh !!!'.

He didn't laugh of course - He supports 100% (no, not 110%). He said He loves the list, and I think we'll have quite a discussion about it at some point. I've now broken the list down into smaller segments, including details of how I'm going to achieve, what I can do already to work towards a particular goal.

I've only really included things that I can control to a great extent. Things that are beyond my control aren't on the list - I won't include things that depend on other people. But the things that I have included will keep me busy for quite a while *smiles.

I've gained so much self confidence in the past few months - time to put some of it to use and address my wishes.

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So proud....

My older daughter yesterday went to audition as a dancer in the local theatre's christmas pantomime.

She loves dancing. She's studying for a BTEC in performing arts, and dance is a major part of that. She's performed for local dignitaries, football clubs and other shows, and loved it all.

She spent four hours at the auditions, but sadly didnt get through. But I was so proud of her!! Her attitude before the auditions was one of 'well....I probably won't get through, but its good experience, and it will help me for any other auditions I go to'.

A friend of hers went to the same auditions and upon hearing she hadn't got through, stamped her feet and cried and sulked (so grown up for a thirteen year old). My daughter cuddled her and told her all about good experience, and how she should be proud that she had the confidence to go for the audition. Her friends mum just stood there staring at my girl, amazed at the wisdom coming forth !

I love that girl, and I'm so damn proud of her.

In case you hadn't noticed *grins.

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Welkom terug lessa en Dragon M Sir - dankjewel voor alles. Ik houd van u.

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Memories part 2....

I had to write a list of some of the lovely memories from the holiday, not all mentioned in my previous posts.

- My first view of the cottage, surrounded by lavender
- My first view of my bedroom
- Dragon M Sir doing a 'dance' for lessa *grins
- Seeing His face when I did my dance for Him
- Sitting watching a soppy film with lessa, feeling so relaxed
- Happily working in the kitchen, cooking away to my heart's content
- The sound of the crickets as we drifted off to sleep
- Sitting at the restaurant on my final day, a sleeping cat at my feet, enjoying wonderful food
- Dragon M Sir leading us both out onto the road at the side of the house at 11pm one night when we were clothed only in togas, leaning us against the wall of a derelict cottage and delivering a lovely spanking
- Seeing Him just sitting under the tree in the garden, with a coffee and a book
- The three of us falling asleep in the huge bed each night
- Lessa's reactions when she saw some of the sights in the caves and castle....wowie !!!!!
- A moonlight walk with Him on Tuesday evening, Him telling me He knew what my wish was and how proud of me He was
- The scenery....every turn on every road brought more beautiful fields and buildings
- lessa and I getting ready for His special meal.....togas and grecian style hair *smiles
- Just seeing the two of them together
- lessa and I singing 'Its subbie night....and the feelings right !!!' down the phone to elle as Dragon M Sir talked to her
- Just the look on His face at the meal we prepared - priceless
- Another look - but this time on lessa's face when He gave me one HELL of a hard spanking !!
- ohhhhhhhh.....Dragon M Sir giving me permission to spank His butt !! I stood there for what seemed like ages desperately wanting to do it but not daring ! But in the end, I left a beautiful hand mark there.....weg.
- laughing so hard with lessa that tears streamed down out cheeks when He served us drinks dressed just in a 'special' piece of clothing !!

Grins.........I have to say, I really remember how nervous I felt getting up to do the arabic dance for Him - but I loved doing it. I'm just glad He didn't want me to do it in front of a larger audience !! That might have made me call redredred!!!

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Memories....

Ok, now I've stopped crying because of leaving DragonM Sir and lessa, and reading the post He left on my blog I'll try to write a bit more about the holiday !!

When I arrived at the airport on Sunday morning, I was amazed at how small it was. The arrivals 'terminal' was basically a large metal shed! However as I looked out of the hugedoors I saw my sis standing there waving frantically at me, and then Dragon M Sir appeared behind her - so as soon as I grabbed my luggage I was over there with them, hugging soooooo hard !!

We went over to the cafe for a much needed coffee (I almost missed my flight but that's another story!!), and we quickly settled back into being together again. Then Dragon M Sir reminded me of how I would be travelling back to the cottage - *blushes*. No underwear at all, then He chained me as I sat in the back of the car (oh I love my chains). A lovely, long, hot drive home to the cottage and we had a lazy few hours. They showed me my bedroom - grins - all wooden beams, with my rubber flogger and another I love hanging from the beams, along with a leather leash. Other equipment that I'm particularly partial to was laid out on the top of the chest of draws. Then Dragon M Sir told me to wait upstairs for Him, in the position He liked. He was so pleased when He came in to me, and after a few hours, left me a very happy girl !! Every time I thought He couldn't do any more - He did. And I was so glad I learnt to ask mag ik klaar komen alstublieft?? *grins.

After I recovered from that, we all went to a lovely cafe in Sarlat, that Dragon M Sir particularly loves. We all dressed up and looked our best......we had a wonderful time. So relaxed, so unrushed, just enjoying the food and the company.

When we got back to the cabin, we thought that Dragon M Sir would be too tired to play but er....we were wrong. Another session followed, one which culminated in me experiencing sub space for the first time. To use a favourite word of lessa's........wow!

Monday was our subbie day, so He said we could do what we wanted....til midnight *grins. We visited the castle and the Lescaux caves, and enjoyed the 33 degree heat. We had lunch at the Sarlat cafe again, and generally had a relaxed day. We had to go shopping for some food supplies, and we knew what Dragon M Sir would say when lessa and I emerged from a second supermarket carrying two or three big bags after we only went in for coffee and tomatoes !! "HOW many tomatoes did you buy ?? ". The look on His face as we walked towards Him with the shopping was so funny. We ended the day all three of us snuggled up in the huge bed, listening to the crickets as we drifted off.

Tuesday started with breakfast in bed for lessa and me - Dragon M Sir bringing us fresh pastries, coffee and juice. He then told lessa He wanted her downstairs and dressed after the meal - and me downstairs and naked. He intended chaining me to the wooden stairs and then taking lessa shopping - this would be a test for us both...lessa is so protective of me !!! So a naked, chained girl waited for Sir to come back - not knowing that He'd driven off and left lessa outside the house as a safety measure. After a while He returned and lessa went out to the shops. He had me crawling, begging, chains hurting, spanking, floggings..........so much. I took a lot of pain play, and eventually we seemed to tire each other out. Grins. That same day He did a full body rope bondage on me...leaving me with lovely marks. Then out to the second caves, and lunch in the most beautiful cafe Ive ever seen, where a confused Dutch party apparently sat trying to guess the relationship between the three of us !!! The caves were wonderful, andthey included a font where you could dip your hand in the cool water and make a wish. We all wished, and the astute Dragon M Sir says He knows what I wished for. We'll see. *grins.

My last night I felt rather sad. I upset myself quite a bit at one point because I felt responsible for Dragon M Sir being so tired - He slept for a few hours in the afternoon. As lessa and He pointed out, it was probably the wasp sting and the medication that knocked Him out. I had a wonderful moonlight walk with Him, and a lovely talk. Then inside we all enjoyed electro play, spankings and His cane.

After the play, we all went back downstairs, and I performed the arabic dance that Id rehearsed so hard. He seemed to enjoy it *smiles. I certainly loved dancing for Him.

Our last night was spent all snuggled in the big bed again, to be woken at 6am so that we could get to the airport for my flight. Me being the emotional girl I am, had red eyes for a good part of the day. Saying goodbye at the airport was sooooo hard, but I know that we'll see each other again. I'm not worried about this being the last time *smiles.

I loved seeing Dragon M Sir and lessa together. They're so natural, and so loving. They express their feelings openly, and never once acted differently because I was there. I felt accepted and loved.

I'll finish this posting now, because I have to be at work soon and if I type more about the wonderful time I spent with them I'll have red eyes again!

Dammit - too late.

You gave me so much to think about, so much to love and so much to cherish.

Thank you both.......all my love.

fox

Guest posting from DragonM

We kissed goodbye and my fox walked towards the man who checked all passports and lessa and me walked towards our car...

We drove to Monbazillac to visit the castle over there and from the castle we had a clear view over the airport and that's were I took this picture.. her plane leaving Bergerac. From there I wished her a save flight..

These last few days have been so special.

What meant most to me was the subbie-night dinner... I was friendly asked to leave the room so they could prepare dinner. It is impossible to describe how I felt when I came back inside and saw what they had done. Both kneeled in the Tower position ( My favorite one) and the table was set beautiful.. The dinner was perfect…This was magical…

What amazed me most was how easy my fox became part of our life. I know this was all new to her so I thought I would be somewhat easy with her when she would do something wrong. Monday morning I changed my mind about that and demanded the same things I want my lessa to do for me and with a little help of lessa she fitted in perfectly. She realizes now what it means to be my fox 24 hours a day and not only during play…

Clare, my fox, I really loved these days and I know I will love all days we are together… far away and so close…

DragonM

Highlight......

After a truly wonderful few days, I'm back at home, thankfully arriving in the UK on a relatively warm day so the sudden change in temperature from 35 degrees in France isn't too big a shock to the system !!

The whole time I was there was a joy, the sights, the trips, the meals, the play.......and above all , the company.

My first posting now that I'm back HAS to be about what I consider the highlight of the trip.

On Tuesday, Dragon M Sir had told lessa and I that we could have subbie night - watch soppy movies, get the boxes of tissues out, eat chocolate and drink Baileys !!! What lessa and I also wanted to do was something special for Dragon M Sir, so we politely asked the lovely gentleman to spend some time with his book in the garden (no we did NOT tell him to stay out of the house!! lol). We cooked a lovely meal - salmon and cheese starter, main course of chicken breasts, jacket potatoes with a sea salt crust, and a mixed salad, followed by coffee mousse dessert. We laid the table, then dressed in lovely silky togas, and knelt for Him by the door. When He came in, He was almost speechless. We served Him properly for the duration of the meal, and enjoyed a wonderful bottle of champagne. The look on His face was priceless, and two girls had tears in their eyes seeing Him so pleased. Definitely the highlight of my time there.

The evening progressed as He had promised - we watched Love Story, boxes of tissues at the ready, but er.....a certain English girl didn't cry at the sad bits. *blushes*. However , that could possibly have something to do with the distractions coming from a certain Dutch Dom who kept coming up and offering us drinks etc, in various states of undress !! MAN, that Dom can tease !!! Tears streamed down our cheeks when He unveiled His final piece of clothing - and no, I'm not going to say what it was! *grins.

The holiday had lots of first for me. I'll post again about some of the sights that we saw, and the places we visited, but this had to be the first posting.

I loved seeing Dragon M Sir and lessa together so much, and I was so proud to be part of that and to serve Him this past few days.

Love to you both.
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Tomorrow....

Tomorrow I'll be in France with Dragon M Sir and lessa - my flight lands at 9.45am (oh god, I'm not an early bird!!).

I have such a mixture of feelings. Excitement at being there, at what is going to happen, the places we'll visit. And also nerves, for the very same reasons.

Wish us all luck.

xxxx

Guest posting from elle

I have thought long and hard about whether I posted this piece. A situation occurred recently which has upset me greatly and I have talked it through with M and close friends. One of these friends, a very wise Dom, suggested that as I had always managed to process my feelings through writing in the past I might find it cathartic to do so in this case (thank you for that advice kind Sir... you are probably right.... again!! ......soft smiles).

I saw recently how very hurt and upset a dear friend of ours was when those who she considered to be friends decided to write things about her which were at best very thoughtless and at worst extremely cruel. Those who know me well know how extremely strongly I felt about this and, when discussing the situation with her and her Master, I could also see how much it had hurt him to see his precious lady so maligned. He told me at the time there will always be those who do not know or, even when they do know, choose not to accept the truth of someone's situation. To use his words..... "everyone is entitled to their opinion, but it doesn't make them right". I never realised at the time that what he said then would so soon also apply to my own situation!!!

I have been reminded of those words when I discovered people who I wholeheartedly trusted hold views about me privately which they do not have the courage to say to my face. While I will not go into the full detail here, this was about the relationship M and I have, and my submission to him. I do not propose to 'out' those people here, or to discuss this in any other forum.......those concerned will have to live with their own consciences about how true a friend they are/have been both to me and to M. I believed our friendship and indeed their characters were stronger than that. Suffice it to say it has shaken to the core my belief in my instincts about people and who we can truly trust. I know our two friends mentioned earlier (particularly the lovely lady...hugs) will understand from their own situation, such damage takes a long time to repair... and may never fully do so.

As I have always done when I have had any concerns, I naturally talked to M about this. He is disappointed in his girl for allowing other people's opinions to matter so much, and I know he is right.... I am somewhat disappointed in myself. As he said, he sees me as a strong woman with my own thoughts and feelings and, if he and I know the truth about our situation, other people's opinions should not matter. He accepts, although doesn't fully understand, why I feel the injustice of such opinions undermine my gift of submission to him. I know I must keep in mind his view that the only time I should feel troubled is if HE undermined that gift... which in his words 'I have never done and never intend to do'. That, and remembering much earlier words from him about my submission being 'a gift so precious it could not begin to be described' have provided some much needed comfort.

I think what has shaken me most, apart from the obvious breach of trust, is that such narrowness of view about relationships, and how they are all so very different, should come from people within our community who I honestly believed 'got it' ............. could see past the neat little boxes that many try to put us in in order to make themselves feel more comfortable. It has been a difficult but valuable lesson for me to discover that even amongst those who profess to understand the diversity of relationships which exist in our community, there are some who find it easier to dismiss and devalue that which they don't understand than to take the time and trouble to educate themselves and broaden their understanding.

For those who have taken the time to listen and be there for me recently a huge thank you.... I know you will understand why I am currently a little 'guarded'.

And clare....thank you for allowing me to post this here.... it is the only 'home' where this particular piece would have felt right.

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Learning....

I'm really starting to get butterflies in my stomach now about the long awaited trip to Dragon M Sir and lessa in France. As you'll see from His posting on lessa's blog - http://lessa.web-log.nl/lessa/2006/08/posted_by_drago.html- the teasing has now gone public *grins.

One of the things that has kept me busy this past couple of months has been my arabic/belly dancing. As past postings showed, I had some dance lessons with a professional teacher and absolutely loved it. A certain Someone expressed an interest in seeing a performance in France, so I've been practising hard. I must have done, so far, about 20-25 hours of practise. I know lessa has been practising too - the lucky Man will get a twin performance !! *huggs my dutch sis

I really do love this form of dance. I'm not a small woman, but it feels very sensual - and I'm sure that Dragon M Sir will enjoy the dance. Not just the dance itself though - He'll recognise the fact that we've put the time into learning the steps. In fact, knowing Him, He'll probably enjoy the fact that we practised so hard as much as He'll appreciate the dance itself. Apart from the joy Ive had learning the dancing, I've had the pleasure of knowing that the learning will please Him.

I really can't wait for this holiday with them both - for so many reasons. I just hope that I don't have too many nights sleepless with excitement.....

...I'll need to be fully awake to deal with what Dragon M Sir has in mind for us !!

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A fast, wet woman !!!!

Yesterday I spent several hours in Liverpool, having to go to the Passport Office to renew my passport ready for the trip to France. I had to wait for four hours for the passport to be ready (same day service) so to kill the time - in the rain - My eldest daughter and I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean. It was a fantastic afternoon, quality time with my beloved kid, and I saw a lovely whipping scene on the pirate ship !! (I made notes *winks). My daughter saw it and said.....now THATS gotta hurt !!!! *laughing.

Today the family went to the American Adventure theme park in Derbyshire. We had a great time, family fun, joking, teasing, laughing. But...all day I kept seeing the speedboat that was there, giving passengers daredevil rides on the huge lake. The boat was there last time I visited the theme park, two years ago, but I hadn't got the confidence to go on. Today I did *big grins. And it felt absolutely wonderful. Big spins, 360 degree turns at full speeds, jumping the waves...everything.

Sooo....another first for me. And indeed, another couple of firsts this week for me to do with trust. A busy week for me - and it will certainly be a busy weekend *soft smiles.

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Monkey Business....

We had a wonderful trip to Monkey Forest - we went at the right time of year, as there were eleven babies around - so beautiful and playful ! My own two monkeys loved the trip, and of course the fact that their beloved elle was there was a huge bonus. We loved in vain, but didn't manage to see any monkeys with red bottoms, although elle seemed delighted to spot a nettle patch !! *grins

A quick lesson for you in monkey D/s - an Alpha male will only stay the Alpha while in the prime of his life, generally about three years, and will then be replaced by the next most popular male. However, the Alpha female stays the Alpha female for her whole life, and is then followed by her daughter. Elle pointed out ....it shows that women know how to do it right !!!

As always it's sad to say goodbye to elle, but the visit was a success. We've been in tears laughing about memories of our time together with Mike, (or should I call Him Mrs Slocombe !! *winks at Him), and I've been totally honest with her about what and who are important to me right now. She also spent a lovely hour yesterday helping the girls and I to create a framed memory picture of our holiday in Holland, including tickets from the safari park, a map from the Spido and photos of everyone that was there.

We will be staying with each other again - this weekend showed us how much we still love each other.

Thank you elle for a wonderful weekend. It meant the world to me.

Hugggs and kisses.
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Saturday.....

Change of plans. We didn't go to the Monkey Forest because I still wasn't feeling 100% (yes...100%..not 110%!!!). So we postponed the nature visit until today, and spent yesterday quite lazily - a trip to the cinema, a doze in the reclining chairs (bliss!!) and then a visit to a local pub. Oh it's a hard life ............

Elle and I had yet another late night discussion, as we're famous for. Now that we're not sharing a Master it's easier for us to understand certain things that happened in the past. I've really understood what created one of the 'flash points' in our relationship in May. And elle has seen more of what led to my insecurities.

It feels like it used to - it feels like 'us'. None of the stress and problems caused by trying to talk without offending - we were honest, and we've taken huge steps down the road to being totally open again, like we used to be. We'd both got to the stage where we hardly dared voice an opinion in case it offended or caused more misunderstanding.

So...a successful weekend for us. I had no problem at all discussing and hearing about Mike, and elle heard a lot about Dragon M Sir and lessa. (ohhhhhh SO many ears must have been burning this weekend!!).

Today IS Monkey Forest day - we'll be on the lookout for cheeky dominant males, and I'll be thinking.....this time next week, I'll be in France.

Look out for photos of monkeys with red asses !!!!

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Guest Posting from Elle

Yes.............. I finally arrived!!!

Clare is letting me put this guest posting up because I KNOW everyone will tease me for what happened yesterday so I thought I'd give you the laugh myself before the story takes on a life of its own and becomes some sort of folklore!! (Clare's already done all the jokes about haggis for tea!!!)

I set off nice and early, on what should have been a two and a half hour journey, knowing where I was going, but needing to check directions again for motorway exits. Don't ask me how, but between phone calls and just a cursory glance at the directions I ended up going the wrong way on the motorway and ended up almost in London!!!

So, the two and a half hour journey became six hours!!! Many thanks to DragonM for getting my message to clare to let her know I was going to be so late.....I didn't want her having visions of either something having happened to me, or my famous visits to police stations (it really only happened the once!) turning into an 'extended stay'.... cells....handcuffs......oooohhhhh lets not go there!!

Its lovely to see clare so relaxed, so happy, and its made such a difference to us. We talked last night about all sorts of things (I know there'll be a lot more of that this weekend) and even things which we both thought might be difficult seem so easy now.... smiles.

As I went off to sleep last night, our conversation reminded me in some ways of the journey earlier.....even while the drive appeared to be going well, there was some sort of sense I was headed in the wrong direction, getting further away from where I needed to be. Once I was certain of it, stopping, turning around and getting on the right road was easy and, even though it made the journey so much longer, I travelled through places and saw sights I wouldn't have otherwise seen. That can happen to us all in our professional and personal lives sometimes just as easily as it can a car journey.

I'm spending today with our oldest snugglebunny while clare's in work.... and then a girlie night tonight for us all. There are lots of other things planned for the weekend, including a visit to see those 'cheeky monkeys' tomorrow..... we must make sure we take the camera just in case we spot two that we recognise.... winks at M and DragonM.

and especially for clare...... thank you for the wonderful welcome to both your homes babes..... its like I've never been away....hugs.

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Changes and adapting....

My lovely Welsh sister is visiting the girls and I this weekend - she should be here around tea time (provided she doesn't haveto stop at any police stations *winks at her).

The girls are really looking forward to it, not having seen her since we visited her in late spring when we were doing the gardening with her. I don't think they've gone so long between elle visits before!! It's also been three months since I've been with her, so a lot of catching up to do.

A lot has happened in those intervening months. Mike dissolving the family, elle's change in direction re switching, Mike and I parting D/s company but remaining friends, and my growing friendship with Dragon M Sir and lessa.

There is quite a lot of opportunity for miscommunication, misunderstandings, and a lot of awkward moments this weekend. But when all is said and done, elle and I are sisters regardless of who our Master is, so we will value the opportunity to talk and cuddle, as we've always done.

My friendship with lessa and Dragon M Sir has grown a hell of a lot. As you know I've just spent a week in Holland with them and RB, and this truly was a wonderful time. Spending so much time with them all left us all far closer. Two full days out with Dragon M Sir and two nights of play, plus evenings and mornings of chat and fun left a big impression on me. Important things like that are what elle and I have always talked about. But, how we'll feel if we talk about it now will be the acid test. Will she be ok hearing me talk about time with someone other than Mike? Equally, will I feel alright hearing her talk about future plans with Mike now that I'm no longer part of them?

As far as me hearing about Mike - I think I'll be fine - my future wasn't with Him - we wanted different things and this past few weeks since my release I've realised this more and more. He's a wonderful Dom - and I hope He will remain a good friend. He taught me a lot and helped me to develop, he also introduced me to many new things. Mike has played a big part in my life, and I'm glad that He did. It's just a shame that His taste in music included Amarillo ! *weg*

I played with a friend's Master once. I'd gone down to see them for a visit and it sort of developed into a small play session. But there was no feeling there, no emotion, so after about five minutes I called red. I couldn't take even a small amount of pain - I take pain partly because I enjoy it - partly as a submission. This wasn't submission. It was just play, and I can't really do that. My friend even commented on my inability to play saying,'pffft!! thought you were meant to be a painslut!!'. Laughs - she was still keen on meeting Mike for a play session though !! *grins at Him.

I submitted to Dragon M Sir last week, it wasn't just play. I took a hell of a lot of pain, and also had a session which wasn't pain based, but control based - His 'experiment' with lessa and I. Even on our day out at the safari park the control was there - it wasn't just in the playroom. A long friendship, countless hours with all three of us talking, and huge amounts of respect opened up this submission. I'm not going to dismiss it as 'just play' to make myself or anyone else think better of me - being recently released. I'm not using Him as a substitute or 'any port in a storm' and He knows that. I'm proud that I submitted to Him, and proud that I played with them both. And they both know how much I think of them.

I'm going out to France with them both on 3rd September, a holiday which was arranged long ago, because of the connection that we all felt. That will be something else that I will want to talk about with elle. She told me on one of our long chats a couple of weeks ago that she has no problem hearing about my play with Him now that I'm no longer Mike's girl. There's no 'conflict' now. So I hope this holds true *smiles. I love her far too much to want us not to be able to talk to each other about everything.

So here's to a girlie weekend with elle - laughing, cuddling, shopping and talking. Maybe even a visit to the local Monkey Forest, where the guides give talks on how the dominant males rule the submissive females *grins.

Huggs for everyone.

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Home....

An early start today, a late night last night and a long journey back from the airport - but I'm finally home. I already miss everyone !!!!

So many wonderful memories from our holiday, everyone was wonderful.

'Mum...thanks for the best holiday ever...I've loved it' from my eldest

'He's like a big, cuddly teddy bear' from my youngest about Dragon M Sir (ok I've just REALLY killed His reputation as a hard Man !!)

'You're my favourite duck !!' from my youngest to RB after she admired his animal noises

'Don't pick on my sister ! That's my job!!' again from my youngest when RB was chasing my older daughter *grins

I will put other posts up over the weekend about our holiday, but for now I'll just highlight some of the memories.

- A Spido (big boat) ride around the Rotterdam harbour, a lovely leisurely trip which showed us some of the best views in the city
- Getting dressed up nicely to go to a beachfront mexican restaurant but then going and playing in the sea anyway *grins.....kicking water at each other and running in the waves was WORTH getting wet and sandy for
- Seeing the trust my youngest daughter had in Dragon M Sir as she took His hand for virtually the entire day at the Efteling theme park and followed Him onto rides
- My youngest curled up with RB at the restaurants we visited and playing with him - it was sheer joy to see the look on her face - and on his
- Being able to just sit with Dragon M Sir, lessa and RB at night to chat
- My eldest daughter proudly telling me that I was one of the most fun, cool and wonderful mums around....(ok, I had tears in my eyes at that one)
- A phone call from Hans last night during which He told me how much He liked my kids, and how proud I must be of them (ok, tears there too)
- Trying NOT to stand there open mouthed when my youngest saw Dragon M Sir start to put His shoes on and then ask, 'Can I do that for You??' and then promptly sit at His feet !!
- Again, my youngest - on our days out with Dragon M Sir, when ever He said 'Come' to her ....she trotted off to Him SO obediently !! I WANT THAT POWER!!!! I wonder if she has a submissive streak ?? *grins and winks at elle about our little Domme
- Lessa patiently decorating the girls' nails with polish and gems......they loved it so much
- The ring and flogger that I was given that I mentioned in a previous post - mean the world to me - far more than I can convey here

I got to see wonderful relationships and wonderful people. I loved seeing how Dragon M Sir and lessa interact, the way she responds to Him. It brought back memories of kd's post about how someone can be submissive in the bank, in the shops..anywhere, and you wouldnt know. It's more than just play. She's His slave - totally. It was a joy to see them together, and I'm very proud that I was witness to it.

On a more personal note, I also had my share of His time. Yes, we all played. Yes, we had our 'experiment'. But He's also made me far more sure of myself in many aspects. I've realised that I need to stop questionning myself and my feelings quite so much. I've had a lot of 'firsts' this week - and all of them positive. And finally, I've realised this week that I have to try to stop pulling back and shutting off to prevent myself getting hurt, telling myself that it's better not to get involved in something than risk being hurt.

Life is a rollercoaster - I have to tell myself that the ride is perfectly safe even though at times I feel like I'm coming off the track. I went on my first rollercoaster this week. I didn't think I could do it. I buried my head in Dragon M Sir, frightened stiff, and He told me, 'yes you can'. And I did. Ohhh I hate it when He's right so often ! *groans....and lessa bought the photo to prove it !!

The picture above is the sunset over Rotterdam last night as we left the restaurant. Beautiful.

Thank you all for an amazing holiday, and a wonderful experience.

Love you all
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Vogel Rok....

I still can't believe it - I actually went onto a rollercoaster!

After months of teasing me about it, Dragon M Sir and lessa finally got me onto the Vogel Rok ride at the Efteling, and we have the photographs to prove it. I've never been so scared in my life! I spent the whole ride with my head buried in Someone's chest, the first half saying 'oh god, I can't do this!!', the second half saying 'I can do this, I can do this!'. And poor Dragon M Sir even survived the ride without me screaming in His ears *grins.

My baby girl fallen in love with Dragon M Sir. Everywhere He went yesterday, she followed. Holding His hand tightly all the way, she went on even the biggest rides including the enormous Python rollercoaster. He took so much care with her, checking rides before she went on, explaining to her how they worked. He was as careful and protective of my girls as He is of lessa, and was an absolute joy to see.

So...for a girl who NEVER went on rides, I've now been on the Vogel Rok, Piranha (a rapids ride), Villa Volte (a house that 'turns upside down'while you're in it), Dreamflight, Panda Dream and boats around the park. Not bad for someone who previously always said 'No!'.

Lessa wants to keep my girls. *grins.....I think she may have to wrestle elle for them !! And my girls are just as comfortable with Dragon M Sir,lessa and RB as I am. She loves them, and the feelings are certainly mutual. The girls are cuddled up on lessa as often as they are on me. Today we're shopping in Rotterdam this morning, and then picking up RB and going to the beach.

Last night Dragon M Sir had His experiment with us *grins. Let's just say it worked.

Spankings, floggers, wax, blindfolds, and much more.......and suffice to say I'll never taste cherry again without thinking of this trip !! I will also never, ever wonder again how hard He can play.

There's two very, very happy girls here......

.....and my daughters are quite ecstatic too ! *grins

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Arrived!

A delayed flight, enhanced security - but we arrived in Holland safe and sound!

The girls immediately fell in love with everyone, particularly our four pawed hosts!! And as a lovely surprise, Hans and Angel were waiting too - I'm so glad that I got the chance to catchuop with them too.

We were greeted as warmly as ever, big hugs all around - and RB had even been cooking ! Beautiful home made chicken soup was ready and waiting (my older daughter asked for the recipe!!).

Later in the evening Dragon M Sir arrived (frightened the lifeout of me but lets not get into THAT story!!!).

We spent a lovely evening catching up. It's only 3 months since I saw DragonM Sir and lessa, but 7 months since Bart and I met, so loads of chatting went on. My elder daughter made the most of having other people to help her to tease poor old Mum !!! My younger daughter enjoyed running up to RB and hitting and tickling him, and he chased her around the entire downstairs. She also LOVED doing the same on Dragon M Sir (and oh my god she enjoyed it !!). The highlight of her evening had to be being carried around the living room upside down by two big Dutchmen !!

When they went to bed, after biggggg hugs and cuddles with Dragon M Sir , lessa and RB. Their final words before lights out were, 'Mum....we love your friends'. Strangely enough.....so do I *smiles.

Later last night I was reintroduced to the souterrain - the equipped playroom downstairs. A couple of very happy hours later I emerged with a 'rather'*winks at Dragon M Sir sore ass. Lessa and I both enjoyed the attentions of hands, floggers and His beautiful new cane, and I saw lessa reacting wonderfully to His electro play.

I received two very special presents from Dragon M Sir and lessa yesterday. First, a ring the same as one of lessa's that I admired before. Absolutely beautiful, and it means the world to me.

The second - they have bought a rubber flogger, knowing how much I love them, to be kept to be used just for me when I visit. The thought that went into these gifts and the reasoning amazed me. I was very touched, and quite emotional ( you know me).

Today we're having a lazy morning, then - if the rain stops - going to the harbour in Rotterdam.

Both daughters are having a great time - and their Mum is happy, relaxed.....and enjoying a sore ass!!!

What more could I ask for !!

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update - elle?????? OMG it rains more here than it does in WALES!!!!!!!!!!

One more sleep !!!!!!!!!!!

I'm just printing off my travel documents before I go to bed.....then tomorrow....I'm in Holland !!!!

Checklist

1 - Practised my Dutch
2 - Packed the birthday presents
3 - Packed, repacked and packed again so that my suitcase just about comes in under my 20kg limit (damn.....my make up bag weighs 5kg on its own !!)
4 - Made sure I've got my shimmy belt and arabic music so that lessa and I can spend an evening laughing and practising
5 - Had a tshirt printed with 'redredred' for when DragonM Sir gets me near the Vogel Rok ride on Tuesday (DAMN...i forgot to get one done !!)
6 - Packed my arnica (thanks elle!), painkillers and soft cushions
7 - Offered my daughters bribes to throw cushions at Dragon M Sir and to tease Him as much as is humanly possible

Ok.....that's it - all done. Off to bed now, and hopefully a good nights sleep before I brave the high security at the airport.

See you all in a week, and to Evil Man, lessa and RB...

SEE YOU TOMORROW !!!!!!!!!!

kussssssssssss

Reactions....

Quite a lot of the people in the chat room that Mike and I go to have expressed surprise at the way I'm reacting to Him when He's in room with me. I've had a lot of concerned, and quite damning remarks made.

So I'll address them.

One - Mike and I are still friends. Just because we no longer play, doesn't mean that the friendship has ended. We've shared a lovely year together and have great memories which won't be swept under the carpet.

Two - and the one that really annoyed me. NO, I don't regret having His initials cut on me. They symbolise what we shared and to regret the initials He gave me would be regretting the past year. I don't regret a second of it.

Three - YES, I'm staying in contact with elle - she's a very important part of my life and I have no intention whatsoever of losing her. Yes, there will be awkward moments occasionally, but that's a small price to pay. She's coming to stay with me for a long weekend, and I can't wait to see her again.

Four - No it doesn't upset me when He talks in room about play sessions we had or difficult hotel managers !! Lol - it's all memories, all of which I treasure.

Five - No, I have no problem talking to Him in room about Holland, or my planned trip to France. He approved them while we were together, so why should He disapprove now? He's more than happy that I have such a close relationship with Dragon M Sir and lessa.

Six - Just because I'm not in room wailing and crying and screaming about injustice doesn't mean that the relationship didn't actually mean anything in the first place. It means that I value the friendship that we still have.

and finally...Seven.....NO I don't need to be owned again straight away by Doms I know in room!!! As much as I appreciate the offers, I'm perfectly happy as I am thank you.

I still treasure my friendship with Mike, and still have fun joking with Him in room. I'm proud of the time I spent with Him - things just changed and we wanted different things.

So please, my friends from alt who read here but don't post 'because'......kindly save any more comments about how terrible/awful/sad/ etc it must be to be in room with Him......save the comments. Just because we're not together now doesn't mean that I will 'slag' Him off at every opportunity. I know others who do that - I don't lower myself to that level.

We are more than happy to continue in room as we always have - He can make fun of Stoke Sluts and I can make fun of Him 'buggering off!'. At least now He can't thrash me for being cheeky !! lol.

I'm proud I was His girl, I'm proud of how I've changed and - most importantly - I'm proud of me.

If anyone has problems with that - deal with it.

Now I've got that off my (not inconsiderable) chest, I'll go and finalise my flight details for Sunday when I visit Dragon M Sir and lessa....

....two more people I'm very, very proud to know.

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Happy Birthday lessa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to my lovely Dutch sister.....you'll get all your birthday hugs in real on Sunday !!

All my love

Clare
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Countdown......

I'm trying to get all organised for my trip to Holland - I fly on Sunday !!! The girls are just as excited as me. I'm already mostly packed, and the girls suitcases are done. And there's a birthday present packed for a certain someone *grins.

well.......half of her birthday present *evil laugh*

Enjoy the sauna tonight

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Learning Arabic....

....the dancing, not the language - also known as belly dancing *grins.

A while ago I had my first taste of arabic dancing, yesterday I had my second and enjoyed it just as much, if not more so.

I learnt a lot of moves and a whole routine - making damn sure that all the doors to the dance studio were closed so that my colleagues didn't see!!

I wore the most beautiful shimmy belt. A piece of velvet that you tie around your hips, its adorned with hundreds of tear shaped 'coins' that make a wonderful noise when you move your hips. And when you do the hip shimmy....wow !! It's very similar to the one in the picture above, but in a deep rich blue.

There are two more lessons this week, so I'll get to do a lot of practice - which is good because I have this strange feeling that I'll be required to dance in France !!

And er.....because I loved it and because I think I'll be performing for lessa and Evil Man ....I bought the shimmy belt !! *grins

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Any suggestions?....

Ok, all you clever people.

I'd like a different style of blog - one on which I can put more 'permanent' postings, ie pieces that stay on screen and dont scroll with all the postings. I'd also love to be able to put a line drawing on the blog as a background.....

....any suggestions?

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Onwards and upwards.........again

As most of my regular readers know, things have changed a great deal for MasterPalmist and His girls in the past few months. And for some of us, it's become increasingly obvious that our paths lie in different directions.

Mike and I are now in the position of wanting different things, so we're now no longer Master and submissive - we're friends.

I wish Mike, elle and cate every happiness for the future. Thank you Mike for many wonderful months and many fantastic memories.

And please - take good care of that rubber flogger !!!! *smiles

Hugs and kisses

Clare

One of those days....

I received a letter today to tell me that I hadn't got the job that i interviewed for last week. Never mind - there'll be others.

But the 'highlight' of my day was the exhaust falling off my car - the mechanic says he can fix it but will cost a fortune. Just my luck !!!!

I think I'll go to bed when I get in - before anything else bad happens !!

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I survived !

Yesterday was the Cadbury World trip at school. I and another teacher took fifteen children to visit a chocolate factory. As I later texted to elle, they were as excited about the chocolate as we would be at a BDSM convention !!

They fill you with chocolate - a goody bag as you arrive, bars when you hand in your 3D glasses after a film, fudge dipped in hot chocolate, a cup of warm chocolate mixed with the filling of your choice..........so much everywhere.

After the tour - which is great - you end up in the shop, obviously full of chocolate. All of the kids then bought MORE chocolate - all of which melted by the time we got back to the bus. My warnings of buying chocolate on a hot day to take home were ignored, so on the way back home the coach smelt like the factory had - warm, melted chocolate everywhere !!!

I was soooo good, I only had one small bar all day, plus the little tasters, so my diet isn't ruined *grins. Chocolate and crisps are my big diet downfall ( oh god if only they did a tour of the Walkers factory !!!!!!). So to have had only that small(ish) amount of choccie I did well. I hope I'm never banned from eating either of them - I'd do it, but it would be one hell of a submission !!! lol

So - back to work today, developing a work website and moving offices. And thankfully.........NOT be surrounded by chocolate !!!!!!!!

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A difficult week....

This post really came about after reading lessa's post today on her blog.

I've had a difficult week for many reasons. I've had to fight the 'powers that be' at the school where I work to be able to spend the money in my budget on the school trips over the summer holiday. My work is being treated as an optional extra in terms of school priorities, which means that the kids aren't getting the chances they deserve. I have to spend a good part of this weekend preparing paperwork to be able to force their hand and allow me to spend this money. Monday will be a huge battle.

I had a job interview down south on Wednesday - this entailed eight hours of driving on the hottest day yet with no air con in the car. I was ill on the way home, and its left me pretty ill for a couple of days. I'm planning to try to eat something today to get my strength back up again - I feel so washed out. The interview went well, and I got to play with a litter of six week old labrador pups - you all know how much I love dogs.

My continual fighting with the management at school is what has lead me to look for another job. I love being able to help the kids - so much - but I'm not being allowed to do my job. It feels like a 'cop out' - but its got to the stage where the stress of the continual battling is getting to me.

The worst part of the week was the fact that the interview was on Wednesday - my younger daughter's sports day. For the first time, I wasn't there at something that was important to her and I felt so low about it. I feel that I let her down, and the way she had tears in her eyes on the morning of sports day felt like a massive punch in the stomach. Mummy wasn't there for her. But I had to weigh up the pros and cons of going for the interview - she'll benefit far more in the long term from a mum that isn't so stressed from work. I realise that any job has stress and problems, but the current position just seems a futile battle at times.

Anybody want to guess how many times I've cried myself to sleep this week?

The conversation I had with lessa and Dragon M Sir last night was lovely - I'd missed seeing them so much this much. But I even upset myself over that in the end. I pretty much pulled out of the conversation and went into hiding. This week has just left me so low that I don't feel equipped to handle normal conversations. I can be genuinely happy for a while, then something will hit home and get me worried, then I go into hiding. At work....I've fought all week and been strong and not taken any 'crap'. I think that sometimes leaves me less emotionally able to deal with private issues. Nobody at work ever sees me weak......Im always strong there.

Let's hope that over the next couple of weeks things settle down.

Smiles....I'm spending this afternoon at my mum's holiday caravan - a bbq, bike rides and fun with the kids. Proper mum and daughter time. And I'll enjoy the chance to just wind down and be me. No fighting.

love and huggs

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In between....

Looking at my posts, I’ve seen how few lately have been D/s themed. The majority of my posts have been about family, friends, work and holidays.

This ‘mix’ of postings actually reflects my life pretty well. Master and I, as most of you know, aren’t 24/7 - I’m His girl all of the time, but we just don’t live together (neither of us are that masochistic! *winks at Him). We both have very full, very busy lives but we stay in contact between our pretty infrequent meets.

That’s the hard part of submission. It’s easy to feel submissive kneeling before Him, or just in His company, but the rest of the time can be the taxing bit. Sometimes, when I haven’t heard from Him or seen Him for quite a while, I worry that I’m not an interest for Him anymore, that I have nothing to offer Him now. I’m His ‘hard play’ girl – what if He no longer wants that? But I know that if He didn't want me, I wouldn't still be with Him. Our shortage of real time meets has a lot to do with the fact that His poor girl lives 'up North' in Stoke !!! Lol.

At the difficult times, I remember how He carved His initials on me again at our last meet in Wales, and told me that they should last a ‘good twelve months’ – grins – He must be planning on keeping me around for a while. Putting His initials on a girl isn’t something He does lightly. I know He enjoys our time together, enjoys teasing me in the chat room and I'm sure He knows the effect it has on me in there when He starts telling me and room all about how long that lovely rubber flogger of His is !!! *whimpers!!

So for now, I get on with life and remember that I’m His. I know He’d be proud of how I conduct my life – my family, work etc. I remember the conversations we’ve had in the past about how proud He is of me, and how He thinks more of me, not less, for wanting to try new things – I’ll take His words at face value and not try to read anything else into them. I’m not going to think well, maybe He says that, but subconsciously He doesn’t mean it *grins.

I have a lovely Master (albeit One that has Knickerbocker Glories and teases me about it !!!) and He knows that He has a devoted girl.

When it comes down to it – isn’t that what counts?

All my love Master
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The flights are booked !!

I booked all my flights today - the flights for the girls and I to go to the Netherlands in August, and my solo flight to France in September. It feels great to have finally booked them - I feel a big step closer to the holidays now.

The girls are so excited about our trip to Holland. They can't wait to meet lessa and RB, who they've seen on web cam (and erm....they're REALLY anxious to meet the four legged residents too !!). They're also keen to meet DragonM Sir, who spoke to them on the phone while we were in Wales and kept teasing them about their mum driving on the wrong side of the road ! My older daughter in particular thinks that anyone who can persuade her Mum to go on a rollercoaster at the Efteling must be good !! (looks at Him and gets my redredred tshirt ready).

My daughters have already benefitted from my friendship with elle. As we've said before, she's like a second Mum to them. They pick up very quickly from me how I feel about people. They immediately knew that I thought a lot of elle and they bonded with her instantly. By the same token, they're smart enough to know when I don't feel comfortable with someone - whether because of instinct or past experience. It's no use me introducing them to someone and telling them this is a good person, this is a friend, if I'm then 'closed off' to the person in question. They can sense that I've put up a barrier for whatever reason. Children are so perceptive like that, and pick up extremely quickly whether someone is accepted. It wouldn't be fair to them to let them meet people as friends and then have me sit back and not interact - it would give off mixed signals and confuse them. Grins...ok..they may not know the nature of my friendships, but they know when people are my friends, or if I'm just pretending.

So...i think in August they'll be cuddling with lessa, playfighting with RB and chasing Dragon M Sir with pillows (oh please girls yes !!!). They'll be learning more Dutch, laughing at the Nederlands version of Coronation Street and realising just how steep Dutch stairs are !!!

But they'll be having so much fun - just like they do with our lovely elle - happy with Mum's friends, taking advantage of having people to gang up with against me, and enjoying time with a happy, relaxed Mum.

I, for one , can't wait.

kusssssssssss voor mijn lieve vriends.
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Cadburys...

Sighs......

My willpower needs to be so strong later this month. Having been losing weight for a couple of weeks at a nice steady rate, I'm now visiting England's main chocolate factory in the summer holidays !! I'm taking a school trip there (along with my own daughters) and get to taste warm, melted chocolate, try free samples and come away with a goodie bag.

Groans.....I can resist anything except temptation !

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Chain reaction....

Grins....lessa sent me this wonderful picture. She saw for herself the way I react to chains so knew I'd love this picture.


Just PLEASE....don't call me Barbie !!!

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Have I told you lately...?

To all the special people in my life.....have I told you I love you lately?

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Broadening horizons....

As part of my job, I arrange day trips and activities for the students at school – I’ve arranged a very full program for the six week holiday.

Today I spoke to one of the younger children from the school about the activities. He couldn’t believe that they would have access to these trips. The boy in question told me that ‘things like that are always for other people, not us’. One of the simplest trips – a day at a space centre – had him amazed. He’s had a long term interest in space and related topics, but his family have never recognized it as anything more than a ‘phase he’s going through’. They’ve certainly never encouraged him.

In the last few weeks I’ve worked closely with the science department, and I’ve been amazed at how many kids are desperately eager to learn when given the opportunity. Other kids who are labeled troublemakers are dumbfounded at the idea of a day in Wales – a ninety minute trip, but one that their familes won’t make because they don’t venture outside our city.

And no – it’s not a matter of money. One of the more affluent families in our school has a Mercedes I’d die for, but they refused to let their child go on a day-trip to London this year because, ‘What good will it do him? He lives here’.

It saddens me to see so many children brought up it such a way – their minds closed to 99% of the world because they’ll never go there.

My kids are lucky – we’ve encouraged them to do as much as they can. They’re both on school council, because they want to make a difference, even my seven year old, and I’m so proud of that. They’ve been on cruises, they’ve been to Pompeii, Rome, Casablanca – they know there is life outside our city, and so many kids don’t. We’ve worked damned hard to pay for these things, nothing is taken for granted.

Parts of my job I love – other parts, such as seeing kids who think the world stops two streets away I don’t like. A boy was just brought into my office by a teacher – the boy had been rude to me at lunchtime, pushed past me, disobeyed me, verbally abused me…..

….he stood there in his shirt that hadn’t been washed for three weeks, trousers still caked in mud from when he fell last Monday, and big rips in both that hadn’t been sewn. It turned out that he was on the corridor (where he’s not supposed to be) because all the other students make fun of him because of his appearance. So, if he’s in places he shouldn’t be, at least no kids are hitting him because he smells, and he sees teacher interaction, whether positive or negative, as attention.

Instead of putting him on suspension, I’ve now got him doing a duty with me – HE will patrol the corridors and stop kids being in off-limit areas. Hopefully he’ll see that positive attention from a member of staff is better than the negative variety.

When he left my office, he actually smiled and said…. ‘thanks Miss’.

Will give my girls such massive hugs tonight.

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Going Dutch.....

A few people know that I’m trying to learn some basic Dutch. Grins…..my pronunciation needs so much work !!

In our regular chat room the other day, a Dutch submissive came in, I managed to exchange a few lines of conversation…...only 4 or 5. I even managed to tell her that I’m sorry, I only speak a little Dutch ! *grins. It wasn’t much, but I felt so proud.

Not being linguistically gifted, I’ve worked hard to learn some basic phrases, and have picked up more just through IM conversation with lessa and Dragon M Sir….and phone conversations with them are helping my diabolical pronunciation.

I’m learning it (or trying to) for a few reasons. Partly because I see it as a courtesy to learn some basic words if I intend visiting another country (and I definitely intend visiting Holland again). Partly because I love to learn, even though languages aren’t my forte. And part of my reasoning is that it’s good to learn a few phrases of the language spoken by the man that’s going to have ‘no limits’ on you in a few months !!! If I really act up and annoy Him, I’m hoping that telling Him ‘het spijt me, Dragon M Sir’ (I’m sorry) will help to get me off the hook *grins. Although I must say that the temptation to tell Him ‘goed gedaan jochie’ (well done!) after a flogging will be soooooooo hard to resist !! *laughing.

(points at lessa..she taught me that !!!!)

I’m working my way through a list of phrases that lessa was kind enough to teach me – there are NO Dutch lessons in my city !! And a certain someone has added another phrase to my list…….one which would NEVER be in a standard phrase book !! *grins

So…for now….back to the studying…..tot morgen, en knufffffffels en kussssssss!!!

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