I saw this picture and thought of lessa straight away !!
Have a great time tomorrow morning sweetheart, you'll be brilliant, and I'll be thinking of you.
Love you
xxxxxxxx
Thursday, November 16, 2006
For lessa....
I saw this picture and thought of lessa straight away !!
Have a great time tomorrow morning sweetheart, you'll be brilliant, and I'll be thinking of you.
Love you
xxxxxxxx
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
In her mother's footsteps?
My beautiful seven year old came home from school today, happily skipping alongside me as we walked home. She started telling me in excited whispers that she'd got a boyfriend !!! She told me all about him, then informed me that he had THREE girlfriends...my daughter and her two best friends !! 'But that's ok isn't it Mummy? A boy can have more than one girlfriend can't he? We all get to have MUCH more fun !!'
God help me on the walk home from school tomorrow - apparently, the boy is planning on playing kiss chase !
I still have vivid memories of my daughter sitting contentedly at Dragon M Sir's feet watching Him put His shoes on ready for a trip out....then asking, 'Can I do that for you?' The look on both our faces was priceless - is submission genetic??? Lol.
xxxxxxxxx
God help me on the walk home from school tomorrow - apparently, the boy is planning on playing kiss chase !
I still have vivid memories of my daughter sitting contentedly at Dragon M Sir's feet watching Him put His shoes on ready for a trip out....then asking, 'Can I do that for you?' The look on both our faces was priceless - is submission genetic??? Lol.
xxxxxxxxx
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
A lesson learned, and an apology
‘I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become’
I think that is one of the lessons which I posted from subtle slavegirl’s blog, which I identified with most.
It’s something that a very good friend has told me on a regular basis. That yes, I may view a set of circumstances in a certain way because of my history and experiences, but I can choose how I react to them. It’s that choice that I’m sometimes very bad at.
I think most of my friends would agree that I’ve changed an enormous amount in the past few months, and the way I react to things has changed accordingly. But in some cases, I still revert to my ‘hiding in a cave in self preservation mode’. I did this recently, choosing to hide in my cave over an upset and then come out all guns blazing....at the wrong person.
I often see MP in room in Alt, where we both still visit, albeit it on a less regular basis. We did our usual teasing, tormenting each other, talking about past events which people have often seen us do. The difference was, this time Dragon M Sir was in room too. At the time I enjoyed the chat – it’s fun, and I’m proud of the way that MP and I still relate. We’re good friends and still IM. As you know, MP is going to Holland this week, and will be meeting Dragon M Sir, along with lessa, M:e and Ms Butterfly.
The day after this happened I visited alt again, to be faced with several comments about it being wrong that MP and I are still so friendly. Why? Comments about its wrong that MP and Sir meet and are on friendly terms. Why? According to whose rules??
I got really upset at this, and had a very emotional talk (blushes and admits I was pretty much shouting at her in IM) with M:e about it. I started off blaming MP, saying that he shouldn’t have talked like that in room. But we finally got it down to me admitting that it wasn’t MP’s fault – I actually love joking with him in room, and talking about hotels with nosy managers, and jokes about things we’ve done in the past. What had actually upset me, and made me so, so angry is that the people in room had made me feel as if the relationship we all have was ‘dirty’. I was told that it must be a poly family of 6 or 7 or however many – all the girls are interchangeable, of no value, its all just about sordid sex and multiple partners. Yes, I KNOW they're only online people, but it still hurt.
I am SO proud of the relationship we all have, the way we all interact and look out for each other. I have two sisters who would almost kill for me (and I for them), my kids have two ‘aunties’ who they adore. I have a friend in MP who I know I could go to if I ever needed help. I saw the concern he had for me over the assault at work. Grins….he and I were even discussing the ideal treatments for the ceiling in his office when he showed it to me on cam the other day! And last but by no means least…I have Sir…..who has shown me what I CAN be, if I trust myself and Him enough. He has been so good for me, and I hope to be everything I can be for Him, and for me. I love that man.
Why do people say that this type of friendship is harmful or dirty? We’re all grown up enough not just to stay polite acquaintances, but true friends. M:e and I were teasing on the phone only a few days ago about what she was packing and not packing to take to Holland for when she sees MP. We often talk about lovely times we’ve shared, and I love those memories. I love the way that she and I can talk about what her relationship with him so easily. Seeing MP on cam was great, it was like seeing M:e – a good friend whose company I enjoy – no resentment, no recriminations, just friendship. When we parted company, I had a choice - to become embittered and blame him for everything or to act my age and enjoy his friendship. And for once, I made the right decision.
I owe M:e a big apology for the way I reacted to this whole situation. I blamed her Master for something instead of actually seeing that it was the room’s reaction that I was angry with. And she was rightly protective of him, as I would be of Sir. I wouldn’t want to change the way MP and I interact in room any more than I want to change any of the other relationships we all have.
As for the fools in room who claimed that the girls must be 'interchangable, of no real value'....I've never yet met a Dom more proud of their girls than Dragon M Sir and MP. MP and M:e are perfect together, a wonderful team, and I'm proud to have shared a great year with them. Dragon M Sir and lessa are equally amazing, and I know how much they treasure each other. I can't imagine one without the other, and I'm proud to have my future with them, no matter how many times I nearly screw it up for myself through sheer stupidity and lack of self confidence.
So all the people I love will be together this week, and I hope they have a blast. They deserve a wonderful time together, and I hope they all get the rest and enjoyment that they need.
Big huggsssssssssss for my darling lessa and M:e, 'hugs n stuff' for MP
A huge huge and all my love for Sir, kusssssssssssssss
I think that is one of the lessons which I posted from subtle slavegirl’s blog, which I identified with most.
It’s something that a very good friend has told me on a regular basis. That yes, I may view a set of circumstances in a certain way because of my history and experiences, but I can choose how I react to them. It’s that choice that I’m sometimes very bad at.
I think most of my friends would agree that I’ve changed an enormous amount in the past few months, and the way I react to things has changed accordingly. But in some cases, I still revert to my ‘hiding in a cave in self preservation mode’. I did this recently, choosing to hide in my cave over an upset and then come out all guns blazing....at the wrong person.
I often see MP in room in Alt, where we both still visit, albeit it on a less regular basis. We did our usual teasing, tormenting each other, talking about past events which people have often seen us do. The difference was, this time Dragon M Sir was in room too. At the time I enjoyed the chat – it’s fun, and I’m proud of the way that MP and I still relate. We’re good friends and still IM. As you know, MP is going to Holland this week, and will be meeting Dragon M Sir, along with lessa, M:e and Ms Butterfly.
The day after this happened I visited alt again, to be faced with several comments about it being wrong that MP and I are still so friendly. Why? Comments about its wrong that MP and Sir meet and are on friendly terms. Why? According to whose rules??
I got really upset at this, and had a very emotional talk (blushes and admits I was pretty much shouting at her in IM) with M:e about it. I started off blaming MP, saying that he shouldn’t have talked like that in room. But we finally got it down to me admitting that it wasn’t MP’s fault – I actually love joking with him in room, and talking about hotels with nosy managers, and jokes about things we’ve done in the past. What had actually upset me, and made me so, so angry is that the people in room had made me feel as if the relationship we all have was ‘dirty’. I was told that it must be a poly family of 6 or 7 or however many – all the girls are interchangeable, of no value, its all just about sordid sex and multiple partners. Yes, I KNOW they're only online people, but it still hurt.
I am SO proud of the relationship we all have, the way we all interact and look out for each other. I have two sisters who would almost kill for me (and I for them), my kids have two ‘aunties’ who they adore. I have a friend in MP who I know I could go to if I ever needed help. I saw the concern he had for me over the assault at work. Grins….he and I were even discussing the ideal treatments for the ceiling in his office when he showed it to me on cam the other day! And last but by no means least…I have Sir…..who has shown me what I CAN be, if I trust myself and Him enough. He has been so good for me, and I hope to be everything I can be for Him, and for me. I love that man.
Why do people say that this type of friendship is harmful or dirty? We’re all grown up enough not just to stay polite acquaintances, but true friends. M:e and I were teasing on the phone only a few days ago about what she was packing and not packing to take to Holland for when she sees MP. We often talk about lovely times we’ve shared, and I love those memories. I love the way that she and I can talk about what her relationship with him so easily. Seeing MP on cam was great, it was like seeing M:e – a good friend whose company I enjoy – no resentment, no recriminations, just friendship. When we parted company, I had a choice - to become embittered and blame him for everything or to act my age and enjoy his friendship. And for once, I made the right decision.
I owe M:e a big apology for the way I reacted to this whole situation. I blamed her Master for something instead of actually seeing that it was the room’s reaction that I was angry with. And she was rightly protective of him, as I would be of Sir. I wouldn’t want to change the way MP and I interact in room any more than I want to change any of the other relationships we all have.
As for the fools in room who claimed that the girls must be 'interchangable, of no real value'....I've never yet met a Dom more proud of their girls than Dragon M Sir and MP. MP and M:e are perfect together, a wonderful team, and I'm proud to have shared a great year with them. Dragon M Sir and lessa are equally amazing, and I know how much they treasure each other. I can't imagine one without the other, and I'm proud to have my future with them, no matter how many times I nearly screw it up for myself through sheer stupidity and lack of self confidence.
So all the people I love will be together this week, and I hope they have a blast. They deserve a wonderful time together, and I hope they all get the rest and enjoyment that they need.
Big huggsssssssssss for my darling lessa and M:e, 'hugs n stuff' for MP
A huge huge and all my love for Sir, kusssssssssssssss
Lessons....
I found this beautiful piece on the website http://subtle-times.livejournal.com/, by subtle slavegirl. These are just a few of the lessons she mentions, please take the time to read the rest *smiles. Some of these are so apt for me.....
I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.
kussssssssssssssss
I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.
kussssssssssssssss
Just in case....
A very special lady had a safe journey to Holland last night, but I thought I'd leave her an umbrella......well, every time I visit her, it rains !! I hope she leaves the rain back home - we don't want any flash floods over there!!
Grins....have a wonderful time over there sweetheart, hug Sir, lessa and RB for me.
huggssssssssssssssssssss
Saturday, November 11, 2006
A goodbye text....
This is the text I received from one of my colleagues last night, the text that finally got me crying !!
Just thought I'd give you a final thank you, for all the help regarding courses, my cv, applications etc. Thank you for helping me by making me think for myself. Thanks for our interesting, highly amusing and informative conversations during my hiding days in your office, and a big thank you for getting me through the days when I wished I hadn't come in. The biggest thanks of all are just for being you.
THAT made me cry.
Just thought I'd give you a final thank you, for all the help regarding courses, my cv, applications etc. Thank you for helping me by making me think for myself. Thanks for our interesting, highly amusing and informative conversations during my hiding days in your office, and a big thank you for getting me through the days when I wished I hadn't come in. The biggest thanks of all are just for being you.
THAT made me cry.
3 weeks.....
...and I'll be in Holland, and getting nervous about a party I'll be attending with Sir and lessa. Sir is planning very hard play for me, and a few new things....oh I can't wait !!!!!
xxxxxxxxxx
Friday, November 10, 2006
Goodbye....
I no longer work at ABC High School. I am no longer a school manager. And I have to admit I'm feeling damned relieved about it.
I went to school armed with a mega box of tissues today - my friends will confirm that I'm quite a sensitive, emotion soul at times. But I didn't actually need them until I got home.
All day long I've had people in my office, wanting to say goodbye and wish me luck. It was a good thing I'd already had the handover to the woman who's taking on some of my duties, because today would have been impossible to do anything substantial. Kids were skipping class to come and say goodbye, over forty of them over the course of the day. At lunchtime I was 'requested' to pop along to the staffroom, where I was given an enormous bouquet along with chocolates and a card. I had other presents and cards during the day too. It was lovely to feel that I would be missed.
The colleague whose goodbye I had been really dreading left work at lunchtime, which I think was a good thing (for me anyway) - he gave me the most enormous hug and then grinned at me and said,'how the hell does DragonM get close enough to you with those boobs in the way !!! And aren't they lovely and soft !!' The cheeky sod ran out of reach damn fast, lol.
When my manager made the presentation at lunchtime, he spoke of the wonderful things that I'd done at the school - the summer program, the football academy, the university partnership. It was good to hear the recognition of the things that had gone well, but I was also thinking of the things that could have been wonderful, had the school actually taken things seriously. My replacement (a gym instructor with no experience of any aspect of schools except her immediate role) was already facing problems today - being told that she couldn't have this display cabinet, or this wall for display space, etc etc ....because it was only for her department, it's not a priority. I told her, welcome to my world. I think it shocked her, how little support she was already getting.
But onwards and upwards. I'm planning on cleaning the house top to bottom next week now ( I'm feeling too 'on edge' to have a lazy week), catching up on doctor's appointments and making the most of picking my youngest up from school so that she doesn't have to go to the dreaded after school club.
I'm still on my countdown to visiting Sir and lessa - I've even written a story about part of our holiday in France this past couple of days, due to my er....increased wish to see Him/be with Him/have the arse flogged off me, be chained and whipped, on my kneels begging for mercy *blushes*. OK...it's a LONG time since I was with Him !! Lol. Can't you just guess that the story is rather a sexy one, the way I'm feeling?? *grins
I'm a lucky girl, with much to look forward to in life.
*Raises a glass of Baileys to you all ...cheers!*
kussssssssssssssss
I went to school armed with a mega box of tissues today - my friends will confirm that I'm quite a sensitive, emotion soul at times. But I didn't actually need them until I got home.
All day long I've had people in my office, wanting to say goodbye and wish me luck. It was a good thing I'd already had the handover to the woman who's taking on some of my duties, because today would have been impossible to do anything substantial. Kids were skipping class to come and say goodbye, over forty of them over the course of the day. At lunchtime I was 'requested' to pop along to the staffroom, where I was given an enormous bouquet along with chocolates and a card. I had other presents and cards during the day too. It was lovely to feel that I would be missed.
The colleague whose goodbye I had been really dreading left work at lunchtime, which I think was a good thing (for me anyway) - he gave me the most enormous hug and then grinned at me and said,'how the hell does DragonM get close enough to you with those boobs in the way !!! And aren't they lovely and soft !!' The cheeky sod ran out of reach damn fast, lol.
When my manager made the presentation at lunchtime, he spoke of the wonderful things that I'd done at the school - the summer program, the football academy, the university partnership. It was good to hear the recognition of the things that had gone well, but I was also thinking of the things that could have been wonderful, had the school actually taken things seriously. My replacement (a gym instructor with no experience of any aspect of schools except her immediate role) was already facing problems today - being told that she couldn't have this display cabinet, or this wall for display space, etc etc ....because it was only for her department, it's not a priority. I told her, welcome to my world. I think it shocked her, how little support she was already getting.
But onwards and upwards. I'm planning on cleaning the house top to bottom next week now ( I'm feeling too 'on edge' to have a lazy week), catching up on doctor's appointments and making the most of picking my youngest up from school so that she doesn't have to go to the dreaded after school club.
I'm still on my countdown to visiting Sir and lessa - I've even written a story about part of our holiday in France this past couple of days, due to my er....increased wish to see Him/be with Him/have the arse flogged off me, be chained and whipped, on my kneels begging for mercy *blushes*. OK...it's a LONG time since I was with Him !! Lol. Can't you just guess that the story is rather a sexy one, the way I'm feeling?? *grins
I'm a lucky girl, with much to look forward to in life.
*Raises a glass of Baileys to you all ...cheers!*
kussssssssssssssss
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
A beautiful rose....
....but I dread to think what a Dom could do with the thorns on a naked girl!
kusssssssssssssss
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Leaving....
This is my last week in my current job - my contract runs out on Friday. It's been an eye-opening year, and one that's left me very wary of the education system in the UK. To update my new friends, I work in an inner city high school, providing trips, extra curricular activities and inspirational visits for our kids.
My husband and I made the decision that I wouldn't apply for the contract to be renewed. The stress that this role has caused has affected our family too, and I find myself unable to switch off at night. I've never known an organisation so disinterested in the welfare of its pupils and its staff. Sir, lessa and M:e have all heard my horror stories of working there and I know that they'll understand my decision. But I'm finding it hard to cope with kids who I've worked with for the last year coming up to me in tears because they've heard that this is my last week. Those children who work on the 'TV station' (a room with a video camera) have wanted to get a petition up to keep me. I had to explain that I really wouldn't be staying, and make sure that they knew that it wasn't because of them.
I have never had so many hurdles to climb as I have in this job. Every time I clear one, the head mistress puts another one twice as high before me. Internal politics have destroyed any goodwill that was ever in the school, and staff are resigning at a phenomenal rate - at least two a week. Every facility we ever had is being lost - the swimming pool needs a fortune spending on it before it can be used, the 'state of the art' gymnasium needs a new floor so won't be in use until after Christmas, the sports hall is inadequate and often closed and our football pitches have been replaced by mud pits. And we're a sports college.
I'm masochistic, but not even I can keep banging my head on a brick wall the way I have with this job. It hurts too damn much. But it's hurting even more seeing how upset the kids are when they hear that I'm going.
I will miss some of my colleagues enormously, some of the kids even more so. I know there will be tears on Friday (mine) but I also know the huge sense of relief that I'll feel when I lock my office door for the last time.
I'm planning a quiet week next week, catching up on doctor's appointments etc that are so very hard to organise with the hours I work. However, I know I'll spend quite a bit of that time in 'quiet reflection'. I feel as if I've failed. My sensible head says that no - I haven't failed. The system failed me by preventing so many of the activities I tried. The system let me be assaulted the other week. The system left me alone in a corridor surrounded by twelve big lads, taunting me and calling me every name under the sun. The system has left me with scars on my breasts from where I was pushed into doors and onto metal poles sticking out of doors. I tried my best, and as Sir always says, that's what counts.
So think of me on Friday night - I'l be raising an extremely large glass of Baileys and toasting the staff and kids at that school. I will thank them for thelearning experiences that they've provided for me, and wish them every luck for the future.
Because sadly, they'll need it.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My husband and I made the decision that I wouldn't apply for the contract to be renewed. The stress that this role has caused has affected our family too, and I find myself unable to switch off at night. I've never known an organisation so disinterested in the welfare of its pupils and its staff. Sir, lessa and M:e have all heard my horror stories of working there and I know that they'll understand my decision. But I'm finding it hard to cope with kids who I've worked with for the last year coming up to me in tears because they've heard that this is my last week. Those children who work on the 'TV station' (a room with a video camera) have wanted to get a petition up to keep me. I had to explain that I really wouldn't be staying, and make sure that they knew that it wasn't because of them.
I have never had so many hurdles to climb as I have in this job. Every time I clear one, the head mistress puts another one twice as high before me. Internal politics have destroyed any goodwill that was ever in the school, and staff are resigning at a phenomenal rate - at least two a week. Every facility we ever had is being lost - the swimming pool needs a fortune spending on it before it can be used, the 'state of the art' gymnasium needs a new floor so won't be in use until after Christmas, the sports hall is inadequate and often closed and our football pitches have been replaced by mud pits. And we're a sports college.
I'm masochistic, but not even I can keep banging my head on a brick wall the way I have with this job. It hurts too damn much. But it's hurting even more seeing how upset the kids are when they hear that I'm going.
I will miss some of my colleagues enormously, some of the kids even more so. I know there will be tears on Friday (mine) but I also know the huge sense of relief that I'll feel when I lock my office door for the last time.
I'm planning a quiet week next week, catching up on doctor's appointments etc that are so very hard to organise with the hours I work. However, I know I'll spend quite a bit of that time in 'quiet reflection'. I feel as if I've failed. My sensible head says that no - I haven't failed. The system failed me by preventing so many of the activities I tried. The system let me be assaulted the other week. The system left me alone in a corridor surrounded by twelve big lads, taunting me and calling me every name under the sun. The system has left me with scars on my breasts from where I was pushed into doors and onto metal poles sticking out of doors. I tried my best, and as Sir always says, that's what counts.
So think of me on Friday night - I'l be raising an extremely large glass of Baileys and toasting the staff and kids at that school. I will thank them for thelearning experiences that they've provided for me, and wish them every luck for the future.
Because sadly, they'll need it.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Why Christmas 2010?....
If you scroll down this page, on the left hand side, you'll see a picture of a Christmas tree, with the words 'For Dragon M Sir ....planning Christmas 2010'. Although I can be extreme in my forward planning for Christmas - I'm not actually being that literal !!
A long time ago I discussed with Him why lessa felt so strong with Him. Amongst many other reasons we talked about how she felt safe and secure with Him. She knew He wasn't going to let her go, or release her, or just disappear - she knew she'd be with Him for His next birthdays, Christmas and so on.
I hadn't felt that before. I have a history of insecurity in my M/s relationships for various reasons, none of which are anyone's fault - it was just the way things turned out; circumstances. So to me, having that confidence, that security was something I couldn't imagine.
As my relationship with DragonM Sir grew, I kept quite a large part of me held back. I looked for reasons why He'd lose interest in me or why it wouldn't work out between us. I know now (and I guess I knew then) that it was self preservation. Keeping a distance, finding reasons not to let myself get too attached. Hurting Him, hurting lessa, hurting myself all figured strongly in my reasoning. Because after all, if I don't get too attached, I won't get so hurt when I lose Him, right?
Wrong.
He killed all my theories. You've all read about my building walls etc etc. My trust in Him grew as did my trust in lessa - that if I hurt her - she'd tell me. I didn't have to second guess all the time and think that my relationship with Sir was hurting her. He'd said all along that He wanted me to feel as safe with Him as lessa does, as confident in Him not walking away from me.
It's often been a case of two steps forwards, one step back. I've had upsets, tantrums, I've walked off in IM conversations (NOT something I'd dare to do again). But after each upset I came back stronger. And His patience and quiet persistance are to thank for a lot of that.
My belief in Him, and in myself has grown enormously. I joked in a previous posting about loving Him 110%. But it says a lot more for me to tell Him that I'm planning Christmas 2010 ; it shows that I believe that He will be there for me, and I for Him for a long time to come. He's not disappearing. It demonstrates my belief in Him, and in lessa.
A lot of my posts are jokey, or 'cuddly'. I sometimes share problems that I've had, and I often share how I've grown. I'm not given to huge outbursts of sentimentality or declarations of love.
But today I'll go out on a limb. That Man has given me so much in a relatively short period of time that He deserves all the love, fun, belief, trust and affection that I can give Him. I can't thank Him enough for allowing me to be myself with Him, and for allowing me to give Him what I give Him. My belief in Him gave me the strength to know that I'm going to be with Him for a long time, hence my 'planning Christmas 2010' post.
You and lessa have become massively important in my life, and I love you both enormously.
And of that, I'm 200% sure.
All my love Sir
Your fox.
kussssssssssssssss
A long time ago I discussed with Him why lessa felt so strong with Him. Amongst many other reasons we talked about how she felt safe and secure with Him. She knew He wasn't going to let her go, or release her, or just disappear - she knew she'd be with Him for His next birthdays, Christmas and so on.
I hadn't felt that before. I have a history of insecurity in my M/s relationships for various reasons, none of which are anyone's fault - it was just the way things turned out; circumstances. So to me, having that confidence, that security was something I couldn't imagine.
As my relationship with DragonM Sir grew, I kept quite a large part of me held back. I looked for reasons why He'd lose interest in me or why it wouldn't work out between us. I know now (and I guess I knew then) that it was self preservation. Keeping a distance, finding reasons not to let myself get too attached. Hurting Him, hurting lessa, hurting myself all figured strongly in my reasoning. Because after all, if I don't get too attached, I won't get so hurt when I lose Him, right?
Wrong.
He killed all my theories. You've all read about my building walls etc etc. My trust in Him grew as did my trust in lessa - that if I hurt her - she'd tell me. I didn't have to second guess all the time and think that my relationship with Sir was hurting her. He'd said all along that He wanted me to feel as safe with Him as lessa does, as confident in Him not walking away from me.
It's often been a case of two steps forwards, one step back. I've had upsets, tantrums, I've walked off in IM conversations (NOT something I'd dare to do again). But after each upset I came back stronger. And His patience and quiet persistance are to thank for a lot of that.
My belief in Him, and in myself has grown enormously. I joked in a previous posting about loving Him 110%. But it says a lot more for me to tell Him that I'm planning Christmas 2010 ; it shows that I believe that He will be there for me, and I for Him for a long time to come. He's not disappearing. It demonstrates my belief in Him, and in lessa.
A lot of my posts are jokey, or 'cuddly'. I sometimes share problems that I've had, and I often share how I've grown. I'm not given to huge outbursts of sentimentality or declarations of love.
But today I'll go out on a limb. That Man has given me so much in a relatively short period of time that He deserves all the love, fun, belief, trust and affection that I can give Him. I can't thank Him enough for allowing me to be myself with Him, and for allowing me to give Him what I give Him. My belief in Him gave me the strength to know that I'm going to be with Him for a long time, hence my 'planning Christmas 2010' post.
You and lessa have become massively important in my life, and I love you both enormously.
And of that, I'm 200% sure.
All my love Sir
Your fox.
kussssssssssssssss
Friday, November 03, 2006
Mathmatically speaking.....
....I've never believed in any percentage over 100 (except its common usage in terms of mark ups and profit margins in business), and this has been a long, ongoing battle between myself and others *grins. I mean, it's like giving someone 12 out of 10 for doing something well !! It's not mathmatically correct.
But....er....how can I put this? I was 'persuaded' today (He did the Dom thing on me !) that although I don't believe it, and Sir would never wish for me to change my views just to fit in with Him, I accept that some people do believe in percentages over 100, so........
(oh god clare, get it over with!)
Sir ....I love You 110%
There !! I said it !!!
grins
But....er....how can I put this? I was 'persuaded' today (He did the Dom thing on me !) that although I don't believe it, and Sir would never wish for me to change my views just to fit in with Him, I accept that some people do believe in percentages over 100, so........
(oh god clare, get it over with!)
Sir ....I love You 110%
There !! I said it !!!
grins
Technically challenged....
....but I managed to add a hit counter to my blog !!!!!!!
Yes, I know it's relatively easy but I'm not gifted with computer technology, as M:e will testify. When we both first set up our individual blogs, I had to ask her how to add links and she taught me. So even this small thing is an achievement for me.
*pats myself on the back
I added a counter last night and overnight got over eighty hits - I was amazed. However I deleted that counter and installed a Bravenet one as it gives other stats too, so I'm starting from scratch again. Grins - *does a happy subbie dance*
xxxxxxxxxx
Yes, I know it's relatively easy but I'm not gifted with computer technology, as M:e will testify. When we both first set up our individual blogs, I had to ask her how to add links and she taught me. So even this small thing is an achievement for me.
*pats myself on the back
I added a counter last night and overnight got over eighty hits - I was amazed. However I deleted that counter and installed a Bravenet one as it gives other stats too, so I'm starting from scratch again. Grins - *does a happy subbie dance*
xxxxxxxxxx
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Countdown commencing....
On 30th November, I'm flying to Holland to be with Dragon M Sir and lessa again....so the countdown has begun in earnest !!
I really can't wait until I see them again. It's only two months since our French holiday, but it seems so much longer than that sometimes. We all have a fantastic relationship in between visits though...daily phone calls, regular IM, lots of texting - so I never feel 'abandoned' or unwanted. I sometimes make myself feel in the way as I've mentioned before, but that happens so rarely now - I've grown much, much stronger. My Sir is in another country, but He never makes me feel as though He is. He's always there with me, along with lessa.
During my trip, they're planning on us all visiting Hans' private playrooms/dungeon. Hans is a lovely gentleman, and I'm so glad that we're going to see him again. This will be a new thing for me - we all went to a play party in Holland in January,I know, but this will be different - I will be there as Dragon M Sir's fox.
Some things I feel pretty strongly about, kneeling being the prime example. The first time I knelt for Sir, we planned it. He left me alone in the souterrain for a while, to leave me to my own thoughts, and came back to find me in His favourite position, the Tower. He whispered to me how beautiful I was...how much He loved this - I felt so, so proud. In a few weeks I will be kneeling for Him again - in front of a great many of His and lessa's friends.
I will again be very proud to kneel for Him, it really is a big thing for me, as it is with most subs. To kneel for Him publicly will be wonderful, but a little scary - it will be people He and lessa have known for a long time seeing me submit to Him. And I think that on the night, they'll be surprised.
As I've gained more confidence in myself, in my submission to Dragon M Sir, and my trust in Him has grown, I've been able to take far more from Him. I like hard play, and I've taken much harder play each time we've met. As He's said before, He doesnt believe in part time submission, it's 24/7 despite the fact that we live in different countries. As I've grown in confidence about my submission - grown 'into' it, if you like, my ability to take pain has also shot WAY up. The trust and belief I have in Him now are amazing, and as I feel stronger mentally, I get stronger physically too. Lessa sat open mouthed at one point at the play I took in France , although she has now taken the same level of pain from Him. Sir has some seriously heavy play planned for me this time, so it will be interesting to see some of the reactions !!
The only people who have known me both with my last Master and with Dragon M Sir, and who I've seen since I became His, are people to whom I am particularly close. At the play party that He and lessa are taking me to in a few weeks, it will be mainly THEIR friends who will see me for the first time as His fox. I think I'm nervous about being accepted, I hope they know that I take nothing away from lessa, and how much I love her. I'm crossing my fingers that when they see how happy Sir is with me, and with the way that lessa and I are together they'll accept me BECAUSE our situation helps to make them happy.
I know - other people's opinions shouldn't count, but these are people that Sir and lessa have known for a long time, and I want to make a good impression. I want to make them BOTH proud of me.
Because I'm sooooo proud of them, and of being with them. All my love to you both.
kusssssssssssssssssssssssssss
I really can't wait until I see them again. It's only two months since our French holiday, but it seems so much longer than that sometimes. We all have a fantastic relationship in between visits though...daily phone calls, regular IM, lots of texting - so I never feel 'abandoned' or unwanted. I sometimes make myself feel in the way as I've mentioned before, but that happens so rarely now - I've grown much, much stronger. My Sir is in another country, but He never makes me feel as though He is. He's always there with me, along with lessa.
During my trip, they're planning on us all visiting Hans' private playrooms/dungeon. Hans is a lovely gentleman, and I'm so glad that we're going to see him again. This will be a new thing for me - we all went to a play party in Holland in January,I know, but this will be different - I will be there as Dragon M Sir's fox.
Some things I feel pretty strongly about, kneeling being the prime example. The first time I knelt for Sir, we planned it. He left me alone in the souterrain for a while, to leave me to my own thoughts, and came back to find me in His favourite position, the Tower. He whispered to me how beautiful I was...how much He loved this - I felt so, so proud. In a few weeks I will be kneeling for Him again - in front of a great many of His and lessa's friends.
I will again be very proud to kneel for Him, it really is a big thing for me, as it is with most subs. To kneel for Him publicly will be wonderful, but a little scary - it will be people He and lessa have known for a long time seeing me submit to Him. And I think that on the night, they'll be surprised.
As I've gained more confidence in myself, in my submission to Dragon M Sir, and my trust in Him has grown, I've been able to take far more from Him. I like hard play, and I've taken much harder play each time we've met. As He's said before, He doesnt believe in part time submission, it's 24/7 despite the fact that we live in different countries. As I've grown in confidence about my submission - grown 'into' it, if you like, my ability to take pain has also shot WAY up. The trust and belief I have in Him now are amazing, and as I feel stronger mentally, I get stronger physically too. Lessa sat open mouthed at one point at the play I took in France , although she has now taken the same level of pain from Him. Sir has some seriously heavy play planned for me this time, so it will be interesting to see some of the reactions !!
The only people who have known me both with my last Master and with Dragon M Sir, and who I've seen since I became His, are people to whom I am particularly close. At the play party that He and lessa are taking me to in a few weeks, it will be mainly THEIR friends who will see me for the first time as His fox. I think I'm nervous about being accepted, I hope they know that I take nothing away from lessa, and how much I love her. I'm crossing my fingers that when they see how happy Sir is with me, and with the way that lessa and I are together they'll accept me BECAUSE our situation helps to make them happy.
I know - other people's opinions shouldn't count, but these are people that Sir and lessa have known for a long time, and I want to make a good impression. I want to make them BOTH proud of me.
Because I'm sooooo proud of them, and of being with them. All my love to you both.
kusssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Happy Halloween
I wonder which Doms would prefer to do? Carving the pumpkin or carving the girl ?! *perks at knife play*
Monday, October 30, 2006
Planning France 2011
Imagine its 2010.....we girls want to get started planning important things, like our annual trip to France next year - our 5th anniversary
lessa: hugsssssssssssssssssss her sis.... hey.... the date is set...
lessa: september 6 2011....
lessa: and a couple of days later our guests will arive.. but first a few days that castle for the three of us...
clare: now I just can't wait to see the dungeon...
clare: grins
lessa: I wonder what Dante and tiggr will say.... if they see this castle...
clare: they'll say ..which bedroom will we have? grins
lessa: such a great idea of DragonM to invite a few very close friends for a week...
lessa: can't wait to see Angel and Hans there... and jr and sergantP
clare: uhmmm.. the bedroom with the big bed is for DragonM and us..
lessa: with the beams...
clare: lol !!
lessa: now have you any idea what he has in mind for those first few days alone?
clare: So looking forward to just being with Him. The thought of His arms around us…..and what we’ll all do after we leave the warmth of the log fire in the main room, and make our way upstairs. All of us in that big bed…..wondering if He brought the cane……the flogger…..He will have two very, very excited girls.
lessa: OK... now I am melting, and already it is so hard to wait till we finally can go
clare: And of course, any ice we didn't use in our drinks downstairs will, we're sure, be put to excellent use in bed
clare: of course !!! *big innocent smile
lessa: heyyyyyyyyy, now I am having goosebumps... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
clare: we deserve more then that
lessa: mmmmm, well I am wondering if M:e and Mike will be able to make it, they are on holiday together just before our week
clare: I'd love to see them - it would be lovely if all our friends could be there
lessa: I do hope we have some time to visit some of those nice Perigord Noir sites we all love
lessa: do you remember the first time the three of us went together... already 5 years ago
clare: nodding hard.....all those dark caves...sooo many places for us to be in *weg*
clare: 5 years !! that long ??? I remember it so well
lessa: mmmm, you loved those caves, and the midnite walks
lessa: but now we are gonna have a France special with so many close friends
clare: the midnight walks....the long trips to that lake nearby.....
lessa: I think even Fian and kd will be able to make it
lessa: oh boy, we need a kitchen schedule
clare: *raises hand....erm...can I do the cooking????
clare: grins
lessa: uhmmm, you will need somne help!
clare: and I'll even dress as a maid for Sir!
lessa: hugsssssssssss her sis... that sure will surprise him!
clare: surely the best person to help in the kitchen would be 'spice' ?? *grins
lessa: ohhhhhhhh yes, and sergeantP can peel potatoes...
clare: huggsss..I love seeing Him so happy...remember that first time in France when we knelt for Him..in togas?
lessa: yes, heyyyyy, maybe it would be an idea if all of us ladies had one of those
clare: yesssss.....all of the men so proud *smiles
lessa: well, as long as DragonM is proud of us, then I am ever so happy
clare: whispers ...best keep M:e out of the kitchen - I remember how dangerous she is with a wooden spoon !!! *grins
clare: smiles...yep, He's the important one
lessa: ohhhhhh, do tell me *winks*
clare: *coughs* chasing a certain Dom around a kitchen with it ...smacking a poor sister's bare bottom with it......
lessa: ooopsssssssss.... mmmmm, now I can't se that happening in such a lovely castle...
clare: that first time in France was the first time I begged for His cane
clare: grins.....but in that lovely castle..so much more room to chase a Dom around !!
lessa: all those lovely memories... and we are gonna make so much more... 2011... 2016.... 2021... mmmmmmmmmmm
clare: smiles....i LOVE making memories with you and Sir
clare: grins...so many memories....kinky and otherwise !
lessa: mmmmmmm... love you..lots.....
clare: love you so much
lessa: cheers, to many more years of DragonM and us!
With all our love to DragonM, from His fox and His lessa
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Changes....
NOT the kind of clothes I wear to my office job! But yes, I do wear pinstripes!!
I flopped down to go online for a short while yesterday after spending a few hours sorting through my wardrobes. I needed a rest - lol - I cleared out twelve bags of old clothes altogether !! I had a brief chat with M:e on IM about how we both found it easier now to throw things out - we had less inclination to hang onto things 'just in case'.
The clear out made me realise how much I've changed in some respects. My taste in clothes has changed beyond recognition in the past couple of years. My elder daughter will often see something in my wardrobe and say, 'hmmm.....that's not really you anymore is it Mum?'. The majority of my clothes used to make me blend in - become part of the background. I very rarely used to wear accessories because I deemed them a bit of a waste of time.
On Wednesday, my mother went shopping and bought me a top and jeans that she said were just my thing. Grins - she sees fantastic bargains when she's in Marks & Spencers !! When I saw them, I was quite surprised. A long baggy pink blouse ...did she really see me as wearing somthing like that ? But I realised that I had worn things like that for a long time, she just doesn't see me enough to know that I've changed, both in what I wear and in the way I am. For a long time I used to live in leggings and baggy t-shirts - I won't even wear them to go to bed in now !!
Last week at work, I was told by a colleague that I was in the male staff's 'top ten' of women at work that they'd like to ....er....*blushes*....get friendly with (and before ANYONE says it - no, thats NOT a top ten of only ten women, theres 62 women at work !!).After I dried up all the tears of laughter, picked myself off the floor and stopped hyperventilating he told me that its partly because of the way I dress and look, but partly because there's just 'something about me'. I'm fun, can talk about anything, they love the fact that I don't act differently with the men than the women. I don't put on an act. My colleague told me (with a twinkle in his eye) that I come across as someone who could be a very, very bad girl, and that's what the men love - they'd love to find out just how bad I can be. Grins....they have NO idea !!!
I'm not a small, thin woman by any stretch of the imagination ( and I have a good imagination). So it's lovely to hear this kind of comment, because as my friends know I've had enough negative comments about my size to last a lifetime.
Yes, I still have insecurities in my M/s life, that I generate myself, but in general my self confidence has soared. I'm a pretty strong, confident woman at work and a lot of that is thanks to my M/s life.
I do things now I never thought I'd do - fly to other countries on my own, take the kids abroad without my husband, I've just booked a private house in France for a weeks holiday with my husband and kids next year and am booking flights seperately- I'm not going on a 'safe' package holiday !! Dragon M Sir has said He'll let me practice driving His car to get used to driving on the wrong ......er I mean right side of the road. These are just a few of the things I now have the confidence to do.
Two weeks ago I was assaulted at work. A pupil kept slapping and punching me extremely viciously - I've had to report the assault and use several trees worth of paper to go through all the formalities. I've been told that if I proceed with all of this paperwork and get this boy - a strapping six footer - dealt with I'll probably get his gang of friends/monkeys to intimidate and threaten me.
But, I'm going ahead with it anyway. He will NOT get away with it. I'll see them on the corridors and I'll handle it. I won't let see how much he hurt me.
Now that's confidence.
xxxxxxxxxx
Saturday, October 28, 2006
A hint....
I'm counting down now until my trip to see Sir and lessa on November 30th - He knows how much I need a spanking and some hard play *smiles (and hopefully He'll allow it !) so I thought I'd leave a picture of a beautiful bare bum - a blank canvas - for Him.......just to remind Him! *grins
kussssssssssssss
xxxxxxxxx
Friday, October 27, 2006
Question time....
I went for an interview today, which instead of being the allocated one hour extended to two !!
Some of the questions I was asked (and the answers I didn't give !!)-
Do you see yourself as a leader?
Er.....more of a follower actually. I mean..have you ever tried leading Dragon M Sir???
Do you have problems taking orders?
Erm....nope, not from Dragon M *winks
Would you have any problems travelling?
Nope - I travel to Holland as much as possible
Are you open to the idea of training?
I'm very open to the idea of training, in fact I'm undergoing BDSM training right now
What training tools are you familiar with?
*blushes* cane, crop and a lovely rubber flogger
Are you familiar with disciplinary procedures?
Absolutely - Sir and I discuss where I went wrong, and how to rectify it. He doesn't use physical punishment but He does use.....oh wait !!! *slaps forehead* sorry !! misunderstood that one !!
What are your feelings on equal opportunities?
I endorse them wholeheartedly. I want an equal opportunity to get a spanked ass !
What hobbies do you have?
Kinky sex, kneeling for my Sir, being beaten, caned, flogged, spanked, caned, candle wax dripped on me, fisting, cropping, being chained, being made to crawl, sex chat rooms, reading my friends BDSM blogs, being my Sir's fox and pleasing Him in every way I can, needle play, knife play..........oh, and I like to bake
Here was a strange one.....do you consider yourself shy or outgoing?
Erm....I've had threesomes, had my then Master doing hard play on me in front of my two sisters and Dragon M Sir, had full play in a public play party, walked around naked with a VERY red arse in front of a full room, walked naked outdoors hand in hand with my sister in France, had my Sir beating my arse whilst I leant against the outside wall of a dilapidated cottage, sat in the back of Sir's car chained and half naked on the way to our cottage, walked around a Dutch safari park for a day wearing a vibrator which SOMEONE kept tutning on and off...on and off...all day long and didn't give permission !!!!!........DON'T think shy would apply !!
I would have LOVED to have given some of those answers ! *grins
Instead I was my usual professional, restrained, calm self and answered them all in a way that would make Dragon M Sir proud. But it's amazing how my M/s life can give me a slightly 'twisted' view on everyday things *grins.
Can't wait for my next interview !!!!
xxxxxxxxxxx
Some of the questions I was asked (and the answers I didn't give !!)-
Do you see yourself as a leader?
Er.....more of a follower actually. I mean..have you ever tried leading Dragon M Sir???
Do you have problems taking orders?
Erm....nope, not from Dragon M *winks
Would you have any problems travelling?
Nope - I travel to Holland as much as possible
Are you open to the idea of training?
I'm very open to the idea of training, in fact I'm undergoing BDSM training right now
What training tools are you familiar with?
*blushes* cane, crop and a lovely rubber flogger
Are you familiar with disciplinary procedures?
Absolutely - Sir and I discuss where I went wrong, and how to rectify it. He doesn't use physical punishment but He does use.....oh wait !!! *slaps forehead* sorry !! misunderstood that one !!
What are your feelings on equal opportunities?
I endorse them wholeheartedly. I want an equal opportunity to get a spanked ass !
What hobbies do you have?
Kinky sex, kneeling for my Sir, being beaten, caned, flogged, spanked, caned, candle wax dripped on me, fisting, cropping, being chained, being made to crawl, sex chat rooms, reading my friends BDSM blogs, being my Sir's fox and pleasing Him in every way I can, needle play, knife play..........oh, and I like to bake
Here was a strange one.....do you consider yourself shy or outgoing?
Erm....I've had threesomes, had my then Master doing hard play on me in front of my two sisters and Dragon M Sir, had full play in a public play party, walked around naked with a VERY red arse in front of a full room, walked naked outdoors hand in hand with my sister in France, had my Sir beating my arse whilst I leant against the outside wall of a dilapidated cottage, sat in the back of Sir's car chained and half naked on the way to our cottage, walked around a Dutch safari park for a day wearing a vibrator which SOMEONE kept tutning on and off...on and off...all day long and didn't give permission !!!!!........DON'T think shy would apply !!
I would have LOVED to have given some of those answers ! *grins
Instead I was my usual professional, restrained, calm self and answered them all in a way that would make Dragon M Sir proud. But it's amazing how my M/s life can give me a slightly 'twisted' view on everyday things *grins.
Can't wait for my next interview !!!!
xxxxxxxxxxx
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Still learning....
Wow...no posts for ages, then two in one day.
I mentioned in a previous post about my tendency to hide - to build my wall. This happened again this week, quite severely.
Different factors over a period of about a week had left me feeling vulnerable and pretty weak. Some problems were M/s related - but of my own making - others weren't. Job problems, kid stuff, an assault at work all added up to my feeling so low. It pretty much came to a head one night this week when in IM with Sir, I mentally shut Him out, basically not talking with Him and doing my hiding routine. I took down one of my postings from this blog, and actually tried to temporarily close it - not permanently because I have too many precious memories on here.
The next day I talked it over with lessa, trying to explain exactly why I'd reacted the way I had, also giving her a copy of the explanatory e-mail that I had sent to Sir. But, how do I explain something I don't understand myself??
In a previous M/s relationship, I felt able to share only the 'good' side of me. I tried not to show any problems, however sometimes not showing them caused more difficulties in the end. When I had issues, and insecurity problems, I would try to shut myself away from him until they were solved and then emerge, thus keeping the negative side hidden away.
Lessa pointed something out to me - that submission isn't just the fun stuff, it's letting Him see the bad stuff too. She also pointed out that I gave Him the right to see all of me not just the bits I chose to show when I gave Him my submission. Basically - my sister kicked my arse, and not gently.
My discussion with her led to us narrowing down one of my problems - I actually get quite scared at how intense my feelings are. I've only known Sir since January real time, and obviously this past few months have really been a whirlwind. My release, my holiday with Sir and lessa and my daughters in Holland, then my holiday with them in France. So a lot in a relatively short space of time. It sometimes seems difficult to justify such strong feelings for Him after such a short time. But......do I need to justify? And to whom? I find it hard to comprehend how I can feel so safe and secure with Him, and still doubt myself so much, or at least my ability to please Him, to be what/who He wants.
I sometimes get scared of hurting Sir, lessa and yes....of hurting myself. And occasionally my old 'lets hide and create a distance between us so I don't get too close and get hurt' routine seems such an easy solution. But as lessa pointed out (rather forcefully!) submission isn't meant to always be easy, and besides....we don't quit !!
So I will listen to my sister and my Sir. I'll buckle down and get through my 'rough patch' - He knows whats on my mind, and He's still on my side of my wall. He isn't going anywhere else, and I know that lessa is with Him.
No-one else will ever cause enough insecurity to threaten what Sir, lessa and I have - I'm the only one who can threaten it, through my own insecurities. So I need to get those under control. It will happen. It's just a matter of time.
In the past, I've often been told one thing and seen something entirely different.
I just have to remember that Dragon M Sir is NOT one of those who have done that to me - ever - so, as lessa said, why make Him pay the price?
kusssssssssssss Sir, kussssssssssssss lessa
I mentioned in a previous post about my tendency to hide - to build my wall. This happened again this week, quite severely.
Different factors over a period of about a week had left me feeling vulnerable and pretty weak. Some problems were M/s related - but of my own making - others weren't. Job problems, kid stuff, an assault at work all added up to my feeling so low. It pretty much came to a head one night this week when in IM with Sir, I mentally shut Him out, basically not talking with Him and doing my hiding routine. I took down one of my postings from this blog, and actually tried to temporarily close it - not permanently because I have too many precious memories on here.
The next day I talked it over with lessa, trying to explain exactly why I'd reacted the way I had, also giving her a copy of the explanatory e-mail that I had sent to Sir. But, how do I explain something I don't understand myself??
In a previous M/s relationship, I felt able to share only the 'good' side of me. I tried not to show any problems, however sometimes not showing them caused more difficulties in the end. When I had issues, and insecurity problems, I would try to shut myself away from him until they were solved and then emerge, thus keeping the negative side hidden away.
Lessa pointed something out to me - that submission isn't just the fun stuff, it's letting Him see the bad stuff too. She also pointed out that I gave Him the right to see all of me not just the bits I chose to show when I gave Him my submission. Basically - my sister kicked my arse, and not gently.
My discussion with her led to us narrowing down one of my problems - I actually get quite scared at how intense my feelings are. I've only known Sir since January real time, and obviously this past few months have really been a whirlwind. My release, my holiday with Sir and lessa and my daughters in Holland, then my holiday with them in France. So a lot in a relatively short space of time. It sometimes seems difficult to justify such strong feelings for Him after such a short time. But......do I need to justify? And to whom? I find it hard to comprehend how I can feel so safe and secure with Him, and still doubt myself so much, or at least my ability to please Him, to be what/who He wants.
I sometimes get scared of hurting Sir, lessa and yes....of hurting myself. And occasionally my old 'lets hide and create a distance between us so I don't get too close and get hurt' routine seems such an easy solution. But as lessa pointed out (rather forcefully!) submission isn't meant to always be easy, and besides....we don't quit !!
So I will listen to my sister and my Sir. I'll buckle down and get through my 'rough patch' - He knows whats on my mind, and He's still on my side of my wall. He isn't going anywhere else, and I know that lessa is with Him.
No-one else will ever cause enough insecurity to threaten what Sir, lessa and I have - I'm the only one who can threaten it, through my own insecurities. So I need to get those under control. It will happen. It's just a matter of time.
In the past, I've often been told one thing and seen something entirely different.
I just have to remember that Dragon M Sir is NOT one of those who have done that to me - ever - so, as lessa said, why make Him pay the price?
kusssssssssssss Sir, kussssssssssssss lessa
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