Countdown commencing....

On 30th November, I'm flying to Holland to be with Dragon M Sir and lessa again....so the countdown has begun in earnest !!

I really can't wait until I see them again. It's only two months since our French holiday, but it seems so much longer than that sometimes. We all have a fantastic relationship in between visits though...daily phone calls, regular IM, lots of texting - so I never feel 'abandoned' or unwanted. I sometimes make myself feel in the way as I've mentioned before, but that happens so rarely now - I've grown much, much stronger. My Sir is in another country, but He never makes me feel as though He is. He's always there with me, along with lessa.

During my trip, they're planning on us all visiting Hans' private playrooms/dungeon. Hans is a lovely gentleman, and I'm so glad that we're going to see him again. This will be a new thing for me - we all went to a play party in Holland in January,I know, but this will be different - I will be there as Dragon M Sir's fox.

Some things I feel pretty strongly about, kneeling being the prime example. The first time I knelt for Sir, we planned it. He left me alone in the souterrain for a while, to leave me to my own thoughts, and came back to find me in His favourite position, the Tower. He whispered to me how beautiful I was...how much He loved this - I felt so, so proud. In a few weeks I will be kneeling for Him again - in front of a great many of His and lessa's friends.

I will again be very proud to kneel for Him, it really is a big thing for me, as it is with most subs. To kneel for Him publicly will be wonderful, but a little scary - it will be people He and lessa have known for a long time seeing me submit to Him. And I think that on the night, they'll be surprised.

As I've gained more confidence in myself, in my submission to Dragon M Sir, and my trust in Him has grown, I've been able to take far more from Him. I like hard play, and I've taken much harder play each time we've met. As He's said before, He doesnt believe in part time submission, it's 24/7 despite the fact that we live in different countries. As I've grown in confidence about my submission - grown 'into' it, if you like, my ability to take pain has also shot WAY up. The trust and belief I have in Him now are amazing, and as I feel stronger mentally, I get stronger physically too. Lessa sat open mouthed at one point at the play I took in France , although she has now taken the same level of pain from Him. Sir has some seriously heavy play planned for me this time, so it will be interesting to see some of the reactions !!

The only people who have known me both with my last Master and with Dragon M Sir, and who I've seen since I became His, are people to whom I am particularly close. At the play party that He and lessa are taking me to in a few weeks, it will be mainly THEIR friends who will see me for the first time as His fox. I think I'm nervous about being accepted, I hope they know that I take nothing away from lessa, and how much I love her. I'm crossing my fingers that when they see how happy Sir is with me, and with the way that lessa and I are together they'll accept me BECAUSE our situation helps to make them happy.

I know - other people's opinions shouldn't count, but these are people that Sir and lessa have known for a long time, and I want to make a good impression. I want to make them BOTH proud of me.

Because I'm sooooo proud of them, and of being with them. All my love to you both.

kusssssssssssssssssssssssssss