Play time....

Last night was my meeting with my friend....and the nerves and excitement got worse as the day wore on *smiles.

We ended up meeting earlier than expected and we decided to spend the night together too, instead of me going home then coming back again this morning. So a lovely session from about 4pm til the early hours of the morning with a break for the hamper that I'd taken, and then starting again at about 6am for a few hours.

It was heaven. Everything that I love, plus new things I hadn't yet tried. And photos too *smiles. Flogging, caning, cuffs, collar, cropping, candles, pegs, chains, a rope bra, clingfilm, a hair bondage, cigarettes, latex gloves....(oh WOW!!!!!), spreader bar, pussy and breast torture........................I lost track of how many times, and how many positions I was tied in.

One of the most intense things was having play done on me with a latex glove covered hand over my mouth....unable to speak, ordered not to move or cum until he said - when I was finally, finally given permission to move and to 'release' it was exquisite.....absolute heaven.

I also had a 'no mercy' caning. With a thin, extremely whippy cane - and they're not my favorite toy. But I'd asked for it - and once I'd agreed to it again - and set up safety signs in case of emergency - I got it. A full strength caning that left me actually asking for a gag - not something I do. I took his best shots, and apparently really surprised him at how well I took them and presented myself for the next strike. And I have absolutely wonderful welts to show for it *smiles.

I also got a barrage of 'gifts' from Dom friends. *grins. My first of many spanking sessions included, 'and these are from XXX.......these are from YYY.......and ZZZ asked me to give you ten of my hardest !!'

He played very hard, gave wonderful sensual play too, great aftercare and took no nonsense from me - those cheeky remarks that just slip out (eg oh poor BOY! when he hurt his hand!) were swiftly dealt with.

But we had so much fun - laughing, playing, teasing, begging (me, not him *winks)......and so many more things to try on our next meet *smiles.

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Exams.....

The exams that hubby and I sat last weekend, for pub licensing etc...


WE PASSED THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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My little Star

My baby performed in her recorder festival last night - and she did sooo well !

Fifteen schools took part, and they were joined by an internationally famous recorder player/artist - it was sheer joy to see her so proud and happy on that stage.

But do you know what I admire most about her? Her patience. They had to practice for eight hours yesterday, and rehearse the show, and a lot of that time was actually just sitting there listening to the speeches, and to other schools performing. She did incredibly well, and I'm so proud of her.

Her mother, however, does not share that same patience. This past week, I've had so much going on real time, that I haven't had much time to think about my upcoming meet with my friend. But now....it's tomorrow!!

I have always got really nervous and excited before a meet - whether it's someone I belonged to, or a first meet. Even before going to a play party with a group of friends, including my Master or Mentor - friends have seen how incredibly nervous I get.

I think I'll clean the entire house today - just to get my mind off the meet !! I've already started packing my bag, and have a few more things to add to it.

Grins...wondering...should I pack the painkillers??

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Exams over

Exams are over and we just have to wait for the results now.

The weekend was pretty hard. Ok...really hard. Having to ferry the girls to various relatives while we were at the course, the course itself, the homework, the revision. I'm feeling sooo tired at the minute. Hubby is the same. So at least I know it's not just me being lazy, lol.

The sexy thoughts turn up at the strangest times ! In the coure we were being advised to use latex gloves in certin health situations.....and I got all hot and bothered at the thought of the gloves. Having the tutor point me out to the class as being confident, friendly, outgoing....'and in total control of any situation'....'she will not allow anyone else to dominate a situation'.......they never did understand why I laughed so much at that !

It's only three days till my meet with my friend now, and I've come to the conclusion that all Doms are evil when it comes to teasing a girl about impending play. He has the pre-requisite sadisic streak (I like my sadists) but a very caring side too, leaving me lovely messages to come home to after my exams. It's great - no pretending, no wondering if he really means what he says, no wondering if someone else is really ok with what's happening.

And I'm counting down the days !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I might even.....contrary to what the tutor said......allow him to dominate the situation *big grins and hides !!!!!

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UPDATE - erm.......he WILL dominate the situation.....and my ass is on the line for that comment !!! smiles sweetly and blows a kiss

Cuddles needed !!

Today and tomorrow I'm studying for and sitting the exams to get a licensing qualification which I need to be able to manage a pub. I've been revising for ages, but I have to say that the exams were a lot harder than I expected.

Apparently the exam is the worst that the invigilators have seen yet...very ambiguous questions with no definitive right or wrong all down to opinion, and these exams are supposed to be a straight forward answer - its about law.

I have to wait 7 - 10 days to find out the results.....I can only keep my fingers crossed now.

All day studying, with them ramming info into our heads......only one break for lunch...I'm exhausted !! And the same again tomorrow.

An early night for me I think, after a long cuddle with my babies.

And my husband. *smiles

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Tired...

I'll admit to feeling tired lately. Looking after hubby, revising for my licensee training course this weekend, the usual family things, extra dance/exercise sessions....today I ended up in bed for quite a while as I think things had probably built up on me.

The ongoing fight with my daughter's school shows no signs of ending - it's given me such a mistrust of educational establishments and sometimes made me feel sick to the stomach.

On the bright side, next week I'm attending my younger daughter's first recorder festival. My older girl has done this for several years, but this will be my baby's debut *smile. Hubby goes to see his consultant on Tuesday when he will hopefully get good news about his hip - he's done so well in his recovery. He's currently walking about a mile, four times a day. Truly unbelievable.

And I also meet a friend next week for coffee and play. Someone I've known for a long time in our chatrooms, we've planned a meet...so definitely something to look forward to *smiles. And the day after our meet, I'm expected to 'sit down' for conferences with various members of management at my daughters review day !! For once, the pained expression on my face won't be at hearing their excuses - it will be from a sore ass!!! Ohhh..counting down the days ! *grins

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Happy Mothers' Day

Happy Mothers' Day to everyone !!

I've had a busy but lovely day so far, visiting family, time with the girls etc. They've bought me flowers and one of my favourite perfumes *smiles. I'm a lucky woman.

We went to visit my Aunty today. She was never able to have kids, so for as long as I can remember I've bought her Mothers' Day cards and presents. She's always been there for me ...a lovely lady. She still can't accept sometimes that I'm 'all grown up' - she'll often remind me to make sure seat belts are fastened on the girls, and that I should wear a woollen vest in winter (I don't think silk basques and bodices would quite match her expectations!!).

I played badminton this morning (sooo tempted to call REDREDRED after 45 minutes!!), then went visiting. Two more visits left and a family party that I'm leaving for in a few minutes. And in my case, family parties mean extra baking *grins - I'm always the one nominated to bring cakes and desserts!!! *laughing

We all went to see my hubby's nan yesterday. She's in a nursing home, very frail, and occsionally on a drip. To see him with her - how he talks with her, cares for her - makes my heart flip. He's wonderful like that. I really can't explain how he makes me feel, when I see him with her. I think in any relationship, seeing the softer side of someone helps you to apreciate them more....seeing their 'whole self'. All the men with whom I've been involved in D/s have had massive hearts when it comes to their families, and that's one of the things that makes them so special.

So I'm off now, to a party where the kids will all throw themselves at us (5 nieces and nephews), my sisters in law will get tipsy, and the men will all discuss football and their shared views on Man U !!

And I wouldn't change it for the world. *smiles softly.

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Get a life

I occasionally - very rarely - post on a blog I visit. To post on there I created a account in the name Dragonsfox.

Since DragonM and I parted company, I have posted maybe twice on that blog, the entries appearing under the original Dragonsfox nick. This automatically happens, I just sign the posts as 'Clare'.

I've been approached tonight to ask if its true that I'm still posting under that name, because lessa's friends have seen it.....and been asking her about it.

Get a life please.

From what I understand, people were going to lessa and questioning her about whether her master now has two slaves back in autumn last year - that upset her then.

I took a lot of rubbish off people while I was Dragon's fox. I certainly don't intend taking it now. I'm also now free to say what I feel on the blog rather than try to keep everyone happy, and be told not to post 'to keep the peace'.

I will not be governed by other people regarding what I write on my blog. I will certainly not be criticised about posts going up in my old name, by people who don't have the gall to speak to me directly about it. If lessa's friends have anything to say about it, then speak to me....don't hide behind DragonM, and leave lessa the hell alone.

Happy Birthday....

....to a very special friend, who hopefully knows how very much they are loved by me and my babies.

Great big hugs from us all, until we see you again.

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Manners....

I was brought up to use manners...please, thank you...and not to swear. I've brought my children up in the same way.

In chat the other day, I sat watching the scroll and realised just how many people swear as readily as they say hi. And I'm sorry to say that the worst offenders were the girls.

It seems that a lot of the 'newer' submissives seem to think that they need to show how rough and tough they can be, what strong women they are. They tell Doms to f*** off, call other submissives bitches and c***s, and basically scream at people. Their message is meant to be, 'I'm a strong woman, not a doormat, it takes a strong man to make me submit'. I think the message is slightly 'off-key'.

I swear sometimes, yes, but rarely, and only if Im really, really angry (or in play when I'm really taking a hard session). To my mind, projecting that sort of image is letting yourself down - it shows that you have little respect for others or for yourself. It only brings into question the size of your vocabulary, if you have to resort to swearing to make your point. If you're owned or with a Dom - it also reflects badly on him. I'd want to make my Dom proud of me - and swearing at everyone really doesn't do that.

It's sad that so many of the newer submissives seem to want to project this image. I remember many months ago reading a blog littered with profanities - I hated it. I can't understand why someone would portray themselves like that.

Maybe I'm getting old *smiles.

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Education

My 13 year old daughter has been studying for her GCSE maths exam - 2 years early. She's already doing BTEC in Performing arts (yes, she is a drama queen!!) and GNVQ in Technology, and now the school has decided that the more able kids hsould take an extra exam early.

My friends know how highly I value education, but I'm increasingly concerned that she is being overloaded with work at such an early age. My main concern is that she's basically 'self taught' on the GCSE Maths - three 25 minute lessons for each module of coursework, no extra help available, then about 40 hours of working at home to complete each section. And that's a module a week.

I'm angry that parents weren't consulted in this. It's our children who are spending each night working on the coursework until 10pm, and all weekend. It's us that are seeing how frustrated and worried our kids are getting.

I've also been told that even if she passes the GCSE this year, she is still required by law to study maths until she leaves school.....why????? Once she passes the exam, further curriculum time seems rather superfluous.

I'm in discussion with the school now, to ascertain how much help they can give her in the GCSE Maths....they should at least be providing a good grounding in each module before sending the kids home to self study. Sorting out issues like this is the only time I get anywhere near to being Domme....mutters.

Anyone got a flogger I can borrow for the head mistress????

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Update....

Hubby has been discharged by the district nurse because she's so pleased with his progress. He's getting better every day, only his sleeping is causing him problems now.

We've been shown details of various pubs in the area we're looking at that are available....WOW !!! Lots of public space, plenty of bedrooms for us, in lovely village communities. I'll be in heaven!!

Oh. And I've been reminded of how 'Doms' (and I really am using the term loosely) in the chatooms assume that because I'm a free girl, I'll do god knows what on cam for them and cyber my ass off. As a friend said, it shows that they really, really don't know me. They offer to cyber with me as a favour, because after all, I must be desperate for some action.

I'll give them action. I'll slap them upside their heads with their flogger handles!

grins.

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Breakthrough

My friends know how I've been working on getting pub experience with a view to having my own pub in the next 12 - 18 months. Finally...a breakthrough ! *smiles

I'm proud to announce......*grins....hubby and I are both doing our personal licence training at the end of March, and I'm now booked in for interviews with the major pub companies - as a pub manager.

I'll do my training on site in a training pub, and get paid whilst doing so, then will be able to move into my own pub - a timescale of about 6 months has been suggested.

If you know me - the you'll know how much I want this. It's something I've wanted for a very long time and will solve lots of problems too, including the chance to get my daughters into new schools.

My husband will keep his current job, and I'll run the pub. It will be a hard slog, its not an easy job and I'm aware of how hard I'll have to work.

It finally feels like I'm getting somewhere...I'm absolutely over the moon.

kusssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Domestication

Just lately, I've been on my knees for my husband (tying his shoelaces, washing his feet), serving him meals, fetching, carrying, generally doing anything I can to make his life easier. And he loves it ! *grins

But he'd give all of it up in an instant just to be able to do things for himself. He's really independant, so to have to rely on someone else to do day to day things really grates on him at times. Little things like not being able to take a plate out after he's eaten.

One thing he's really enjoyed though, is the proliferation of baked goods around at the moment. I love baking, and because of how many visitors we're receiving right now, I normally have at least two different kinds of cakes available. Apple crumble sponge, double chocolate muffins, walnut brownies, lemon sponge cake, date and walnut loaf......the man is in heaven !! And so am I....being able to lose myself in my baking, music on full blast (Blame it on the Boogie and Van der Valk are still hot favourites!) and dance away in my kitchen is great. Ohhhh I'm so domesticated ! *grins

I've decided to carry on my blog even though the D/s aspect will from now be pretty much drastically reduced ! I've used my blog in the past as a way to let my friends know how I'm going on, and to let off steam if things annoy me. Even though I'm young, free and single (ok, BDSM wise anyway !) I'm still part of the BDSM world, and still have my opinions about many, many things.

I spoke to someone at the weekend, a friend with whom I've been through a hell of a lot. In the past we've been ready to kill each other, love each other, hang each other off a cliff, and we've laughed and cried together. She tried to slam it into my head that although friendships change, it doesn't necessarily make them 'worse'. Just different. After all we've been through, misunderstandings, my screw ups, the lot, she's still the one I feel the 'need' for when I'm in over my head. The one I can trust to tell me the truth I need, whether I want it or not. And she's the one who makes me question myself when I decide to withdraw from my real life friends mainly because of what online people may think or post about me. Who matters more - the people who know me, or the people who'd like to think they do?

I want to get back to that with lessa. Being able to tell each other anything without hiding, and being able to slap each other upside the head when we're being stupid. M:e and I often talk about our joint time with MP, and about what they're doing now. He's a good friend, and we never avoid talking about him, because there's no need. And I tease the crap out of him in the chatroom we go to ! *weg. And he's just as bad, often bringing up the subject of a certain nosy hotel manager in Sidmouth *groans

Lessa and I will get back to that stage. At the moment it feels awkward, but at some point we'll be making fun of him and worrying about him working too much. We lost a lot of our 'sister' relationship lately, and now I've decided not to hide away I'm going to put the time in to try to get that back. Lessa means the absolute world to me.

Anyone who doesn't know me real time, and is thinking of posting detrimental comments about any of us without knowing each and every side of our relationship - don't bother. People who have never met me , and who judge me, can quite frankly go to hell. Even M:e, who knows me better than anyone, doesn't know everything that happened with lessa, DragonM and myself so other people don't stand a cat's chance in hell.

I'm here, my blog's here, and we're staying.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a batch of lemon drizzle cake needing my attention *winks

kussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

I don't think there's any doubt in anyone's mind that I love lessa and Dragon M . If there is.....you need hitting over the head with a baseball bat. Really.

I'm doing this publically because I think everyone needs to know where they stand, that's been one of the major issues lately. I feel that everyone knows what's going on except me, I'm tired of deciphering blog postings to try and find out how people are, if they're ok. And lessa is in the totally uneviable position of trying to do the right thing and feeling awful no matter what she does. As of today, I'm no longer DragonM's fox. I'm just fox. I'm proud of the person I'm becoming, and will keep that name. But the cost of anything beyond that is just too high. I'm not prepared to lose good friendships, which is what we're in danger of doing.

DragonM is hopefully still one of my friends, and I hope I've stopped the damage in time to avoid losing lessa as a friend too. I am submissive, and that is something I'll need in my life. But with the right man. No matter how much of a right man DragonM is/was, it was the wrong circumstances. And I'll find someone else. In time.

We've all talked, and hopefully everything will be ok.

We'll see.

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Another gem....

Luckily, I am finding humour in the strangest places lately !

After washing my husband's hair this morning, bathing him, dressing him and getting him ready, he settled himself down sooooo, so carefully on his speacially made chair. When I asked if he was ok, he grunted and said, 'you have NO idea how painful it is to sit down when your bum is this bruised !'

*laughs hysterically and runs around the house screaming !

I'd like to think (glaring in his direction) that its the eight inch cut on his backside that is causing quite a bit of the 'discomfort', not the teeny weeny amount of bruising.

I ought to offer to get someone to whip his ass for him, and compare THOSE bruises ! lol.

He's tired, still can't really sleep, but feeling better each day.

kussssssssssssssssssssss

How the HELL????

How the hell can a man who had a hip replacement on Wednesday be desperate for sex already???

MEN !!!!!

Ice and Fire

This beautiful picture from Artnam is called 'Ice and Fire' - its a celebration of how two extremes can co-exist.

That feels very much like me at the moment. I'm happily looking after my husband, nursing him, taking care of the kids. At the same time I often think of my submission, play with Sir, and time with Sir just chatting. I obviously look forward to being with him again, but there's no resentment about having to take care of my 'vanilla' issues.

All of us are more than just a label...I'm not 'just a subbie' or 'just a wife' to the exclusion of all else. I'm both of those things, and more.

Ice and fire - in one package.

And each one makes the other even more beautiful.

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Me?? SADISTIC????

My husband came home from hospital today, and is so happy to be back home.

One of the things he has to do as part of his recovery, is to inject himself each day with anti coagulents to help prevent DVT. He's had problems injecting himself though, so the lovely nurse at the hospital asked if anyone at home would be able to do it for him.

'Oh yes,' he replied. 'My wife will be able to do that for me. It will fulfil her sadistic streak!'.

Me?? SADISTIC??

He thinks I can't take pain - he thinks I'm sadistic - I must be damn good at hiding my submissive painslut side !! *weg.

And if he thinks that I'm sadistic.....I could introduce him to a few people who could really surprise him ! Lol.

On the serious side - he's home, he's healing, he's happy. Who could ask for more.

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Cyber

I went into my usual chatroom tonight just for a few minutes, to try and 'switch off', and I walked into a room of people being derogatory about cyber/online relationships. Pure cyber will never be for me, but the nature of my relationship with Sir , and the fact that we live in different countries means that a fair amount of our time is spent online, or the phone, or texting. That time with him is very valuable.

One of the comments I heard was - 'cyber is telling someone what to do online so that they can pretend to do it'. We keep saying that one of the beautiful aspects of BDSM is its diversity - everyone conducts their relationship in the way that suits them best. I didn't see much of that 'open mindedness' tonight.

If Sir tells me to do something - he knows that I'll do it, and if I don't, I'll tell him, whether its going to bed early or writing a business report. That's because of something basic and vital in any BDSM relationship.

Trust.

Trust applies whether you're 24/7 TPE, living together or pure cyber. I see Sir every few months in real, and I obey him the same at a distance as I do face to face.

After a long day, I really wasn't in the mood for this discussion in room, so I just left.

So many people are open minded.

When it suits them.

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