Last night....

Last night was strange. I had a phone call at about 8pm from my mother-in-law, telling me that her husband (my husband's step father) had threatened to smash her face in with a hammer, and had been shouting and screaming at her all day. Her husband had then come on the phone screaming at me about what she had done. My husband was out at karate with my younger daughter at the time so I couldn't get him to go down - they only live about a three minute drive away.

I told my mother-in-law that I'd tell my husband as soon as he got in, but she started telling me adamantly that she didn't want him to know. But why phone us to tell if if she didn't want us to know? This has happened so many times in the past, I've lost count. So I did the best thing I could at the time - I phoned my sister-in-law, who went down immediately. And no - there was no point just telling her to call the police, there's no actual violence. And these people are in their seventies.

My husband and I ended up at their house last night until 11pm, along with the his two sisters and a brother-in-law. I went to make damn sure my husband didn't just punch his step father's lights out for threatening his mum. I - the 'emotional' one in the family - ended up as the referee/counsellor. Strange, eh?

They each keep throwing old arguments in each others faces - his betrayal eighteen years ago, her insistance that her three kids are more important to her than he is, and that she'll never forgive him for what he's done. She said she wants what my husband and I have - a perfect marriage. Perfect marriages in my opinion are as real as fairies and Doctor Who. My close friends know the troubles that we have had in our marriage, but we decided to work through them. And it's worked.

My....er...step-father-in-law never had kids of his own, he doesn't understand the bond that comes with that. And yes, my mother-in-law does make a point of telling him on an extremely regular basis that her children are the most important thing in her life, far more than him. It's really six of one, half a dozen of another - but there's no excuse for the threat of violence.

M:e would have been proud of me last night - I kept thinking 'what would she say in this position?' and pretty much took it from there. I've got them to agree to go to Relate - marriage guidance counselling- although I was so tempted to say.....I've got this friend in Wales...she'll help !! *winks at M:e.

We've also got them to agree to look at developing new hobbies and interests so that they can get back their individual selves and not just be half of the 'Jane and John' double act. They're so much in each others pockets that arguments intensify. But they've got to want to carry on - if not then Relate, and certainly not any of us can help.

It's so much easier to be wise and wonderful when you're not a central part of the problem/issue. When it comes to my own life, I often can't see the woods for the trees and usually fail to see why I'm reacting badly to something.

This blog isn't just about D/s - its about me, and what affects me/involves me. This situation certainly had me thinking a lot last night. But it also brought other stuff up with my husband - when we were talking afterwards he told me that he's been looking at jobs in Devon/Cornwall (we're currently central UK). He feels its a far better place to bring up children, and a better place for us to get a pub. The agreement is that I'd run the pub, and he would continue working as an accountant. He needs to get this hip replacement operation out of the way first, but he's seriously interested in us moving South. Just another example of how much things can change for me this year.

Two of the main areas of my life are my D/s life, and my nilla life, like most subs. When one is strong, firm, the other is easier to work on. It gives you the strength to makes changes if you need to. I know I'll have the strength for the changes coming up in my nilla life this year *smiles.

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