3 days....

In 3 days I'll be in Holland with Sir and lessa. I'm one hell of a lucky girl, in so many ways.

I have two wonderful sisters, who each look after me and care for me in their very different ways. I hope to be able to give as much back to them one day.

I have many friends, both real time and online, who bring so much pleasure into my life. My horizons have broadened so much this past couple of years, and I know it's made me a better person. I love sharing my life with them, and vice versa. I've met some wonderful people in the lifestyle, all of whom are totally different, all of whom have unique relationships - Dragon M Sir and lessa, MP and M:e, Fian and kd, and others I've met r/t who have made a big impression on me, such as Hans and Angel. It's good for me to see the variety of M/s partnerships - and I really do believe that it's a partnership. It has to be a two way street.

I'm extremely lucky that I have DragonM Sir. He knows that I have many hurdles to jump in my submission, but He doesn't remove the hurdles for me, He makes me strong enough to jump them. I still have many insecurities, which grow less and less with time. I know I'm going to face quite a lot of these fences, but as M:e said the other day, I'm getting to know what my flashpoints will be, and prepare myself for them. I'm getting better at knowing myself.

Sir's patience is amazing. I have a history of pushing myself, to try to prove myself, but with Sir I'm learning that I don't have to. Things will be done in His time, not mine. But He takes care that although we do things in His time, He never lets me feel neglected, never lets me feel that I'm just an additional body He can call on should He choose to do so. Sometimes I make myself feel that I'm an extra burden for Him, but thats of my own making because of my insecurities - not His doing.

He doesn't demand anything from me except honesty - He has never demanded my submission at all, it's freely given. He doesn't give me things to do just to prove my submission, He knows it's there. In my ...shall we say 'worrying' moments.....I sometimes wonder if I give Him what He needs, because I'm in another country, etc. My friends know how much I can worry about the slightest thing. I know that I can't give Him 'more' submission. I can just give Him me.

I know that as time goes on, He will make more demands of me, and I will gladly meet them. But we're going at His pace, as He sees fit *smiles.

I'm giving Him what He wants right now - honesty, an open mind and trust. Other things will slowly come. And I hope that I meet those demands just as happily.

kussssssssssss for my Sir
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