Back to school....

My older daughter had her parents' day today, and as usual the teacher was over the moon with her performance, they think she's wonderful (she is), they think she's so mature (she is), they think she's lucky to have such supportive parents (*blushes* well I couldn't possibly comment!).

I had issues I had to raise this time however. In various classes the teachers are unable to control the more trouble making element, which leaves the rest of the class unable to learn. It took the english teacher seven lessons just to watch a thirty five minute video of the Tempest. My daughter also came home last week covered in weals and bruises all over her legs where one particularly obnoxious girl had whipped her legs with an elastic band (about 4 foot long, tied around a pupil used to denote different teams in sport). The teacher had already left the class in tears so no-one was controlling the students. She was so upset. I hugged her, talked to her and got the arnica cream.....(trust me sweetheart, this DOES work on bruises).

In my meeting today, I was friendly, took their opinions and points of view into account, but remained firm on wanting to see action and requesting regular feedback in one week, two weeks and then a month to enable me to monitor the situation. Totally professional, still leaving with a smile and a handshake. I never raised my voice or lost my temper.

So why can't I do that in my D/s?

I'm getting so much better at talking to Dragon M Sir, being able to voice concerns or questions. But sometimes I work myself up so much about something that the only way I can approach is to blurt it out, before I lose courage. Each time this happens I explode, then His calm rational approach takes the wind out of my sails, and the anger or frustration dies a death. And each time, after the fireworks, I feel stronger with Him and my submission goes that little bit deeper. I just really, really wish I (and of course Sir) didn't have to experience the whole fireworks too.

I nearly closed my blog yesterday, for various reasons. Pure frustration at so many things led me to the 'delete blog' page. But the lovely things on there over the last few months stopped me doing it.

I know my long term D/s future is with DragonM Sir - I'm not doubting that. Whether its as His fox, His sub, or His slave....as He's been asked....who knows? I'll always be His fox. What we have has to be right between all of us, and none of us are ready to move it forward yet....certainly not me. Nobody elses opinion on whether I'm right for poly matters. We're not poly.......we're us. The three of us.

When I'm in Holland next week, I'll be kneeling for Him at the party on Saturday night. I'll be so proud to do so, but you know what? I wouldn't kneel differently, or play differently, or submit differently to Him if I was collared, tattoed, branded, or had a slave registry number permanently engraved on my arse. I'm still me, I'm still His. I still give Him as much as I can.

I still have one hang up, (no not suspension)that means I find it really hard to let go that final bit in hard play, because I'm afraid of saying something I shouldn't. Lol, even so, He still mangaged to get me to let go enough to get into sub space in France !! He and lessa both know about it, and sort of understand. He still has my no-limits, which I think we all established before in various blog chats actually means I abide by HIS limits. And He applies this no-limits to all aspects of our relationship, not just the play. That surprised me.

He's made me strong enough to admit my weaknesses on here - that took an amazing amount of courage at first. But He's also making me strong enough to acknowledge my strengths. And that's actually harder.

An excerpt from my daughter's report today - it's time that M started having the confidence to believe in herself, to believe that she is more than capable of achieving regardless of what her peers say.

Sound familiar?

I think I need to write lines.....*grins

kussss en knuffels