Time for change.....

Those closest to me know that the past few months have held enormous challenges for me personally, in my 'vanilla' life. The demon headmistress *winks at Master* being just one of them.

I do a lot of voluntary work, all of which means a great deal to me. Since I first became involved as chair of a playgroup, I've loved community work. Making a difference. I suppose that could be seen as selfish - me needing to be needed, and to feel good about how much I do for others. But that has never been a conscious decision. It was just me doing what needed to be done, because no-one else did.

I was asked to be a trustee of an animal sanctuary last month. I'm an animal lover through and through, and could see the charity's need for someone to do the fund sourcing etc. However, I also knew that if I took on the role, I wouldn't be able to give it 100%. And they deserved that much, so I declined their kind offer.

This month I've resigned from two roles that mean a hell of a lot to me. But I'd sat down and reviewed my list of commitments - a long list. I often get to a point where I have to review my 'causes' and prioritise....normally every 3 years (it's a cycle with me !!). But this time it had added meaning.

My commitments were taking time away from what I really need to focus on. My daughters...our future life together....and me, as a seperate entity. My submission is something I need, it's one of the things that make me 'me'. And it's given me a lot of strength over time. So I'm not prepared to give up on that side on me.

I'm (hopefully) starting a new career by the end of the year, so need to undertake training in it. This career is something that will give me and the girls stability, and therefore is also of paramount importance. Which left me with my community roles - I've cut back. I need the time to plan my future, and to be myself. I couldn't in all honesty give any of the roles 100% for the foreseeable future and that's not a situation that I'm happy with anyway. So for now it's me...the girls...and cookery courses !!

Master loves His girls to be strong, intelligent women. For a few wild minutes I wondered if my lack of involvement in the community roles might seem to Him to be an easy way out. But He knows how much they meant to me, and that I wouldn't have given them up easily.

I think He will be pleased and proud that I've taken stock of my life and concentrating my time where I need to. The fact that I'm no longer school governor, or chair, or international representative does not make me weaker. It means that I'm prioritising, and my strengths will be re-focused. And I like to think that He will be proud of me for not spreading myself so thinly. He will remain a definte priority for me *grins.....that was never in question !!

So here's to a more focused immediate future for His girl....and here's to me learning to pull a perfect pint !!

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Moving forward.....

I'm probably the last person that many people would expect to have a blog - I was never exactly prolific on Submissive Sisters !! But having pondered about it for a while, I realised that I would miss having a voice, and having a home where friends could come and visit me.

I had years of 'experience' as a sub before I met Master, but as my beautiful sister would say, He's the perfect choice to deliver a university degree in submission !! His teaching has allowed me to drop barriers, change and drop limits. His trust is allowing me to experience new things - He has given me to permission to go to France with Dragon M Sir and lessa this year, and enjoy the new experiences there.

This past few months I have been too concerned about whether the way I submit to Master fits in with the family - but the way that I submit to Him is the way that He wants, so that has to become my focus. I still think the world of elle - she's my friend, my sister and my daughters's other mum !! That won't change.

I've seen bits of myself that I don't like much lately, but recognising them is the first step in changing them. But there are other bits of me that I'm very, very proud of, and I know that other people are too. I'm very proud of some of the friendships I have too. When I let my barriers down enough to let people in, the resulting friendships are a very important part of my life.

So this blog may not always be easy for me to write, but it will be honest. Those close to me know that if I'm hurting or avoiding something, my stock phrases come into play..... 'it doesnt matter', 'never mind', 'I'm fine'. But with the help of Master, elle and my lovely friends I'm hiding less and less these days. Although sometimes I grab a virtual cushion to hide behind *grins.

So to elle - I hope you will be a regular visitor to the blog, you are such an important part of my life.

To Dragon M Sir and lessa - you are both always welcome in my home (*smiles), and thank you both for being there for me when I need you.

To my other friends, old and new, I hope you enjoy the blog, andthank you for visiting.

And most importantly to Master - may Your girl make You proud Master, as proud as I am of being Yours.

All my love Master
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