One of those days....

I received a letter today to tell me that I hadn't got the job that i interviewed for last week. Never mind - there'll be others.

But the 'highlight' of my day was the exhaust falling off my car - the mechanic says he can fix it but will cost a fortune. Just my luck !!!!

I think I'll go to bed when I get in - before anything else bad happens !!

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I survived !

Yesterday was the Cadbury World trip at school. I and another teacher took fifteen children to visit a chocolate factory. As I later texted to elle, they were as excited about the chocolate as we would be at a BDSM convention !!

They fill you with chocolate - a goody bag as you arrive, bars when you hand in your 3D glasses after a film, fudge dipped in hot chocolate, a cup of warm chocolate mixed with the filling of your choice..........so much everywhere.

After the tour - which is great - you end up in the shop, obviously full of chocolate. All of the kids then bought MORE chocolate - all of which melted by the time we got back to the bus. My warnings of buying chocolate on a hot day to take home were ignored, so on the way back home the coach smelt like the factory had - warm, melted chocolate everywhere !!!

I was soooo good, I only had one small bar all day, plus the little tasters, so my diet isn't ruined *grins. Chocolate and crisps are my big diet downfall ( oh god if only they did a tour of the Walkers factory !!!!!!). So to have had only that small(ish) amount of choccie I did well. I hope I'm never banned from eating either of them - I'd do it, but it would be one hell of a submission !!! lol

So - back to work today, developing a work website and moving offices. And thankfully.........NOT be surrounded by chocolate !!!!!!!!

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A difficult week....

This post really came about after reading lessa's post today on her blog.

I've had a difficult week for many reasons. I've had to fight the 'powers that be' at the school where I work to be able to spend the money in my budget on the school trips over the summer holiday. My work is being treated as an optional extra in terms of school priorities, which means that the kids aren't getting the chances they deserve. I have to spend a good part of this weekend preparing paperwork to be able to force their hand and allow me to spend this money. Monday will be a huge battle.

I had a job interview down south on Wednesday - this entailed eight hours of driving on the hottest day yet with no air con in the car. I was ill on the way home, and its left me pretty ill for a couple of days. I'm planning to try to eat something today to get my strength back up again - I feel so washed out. The interview went well, and I got to play with a litter of six week old labrador pups - you all know how much I love dogs.

My continual fighting with the management at school is what has lead me to look for another job. I love being able to help the kids - so much - but I'm not being allowed to do my job. It feels like a 'cop out' - but its got to the stage where the stress of the continual battling is getting to me.

The worst part of the week was the fact that the interview was on Wednesday - my younger daughter's sports day. For the first time, I wasn't there at something that was important to her and I felt so low about it. I feel that I let her down, and the way she had tears in her eyes on the morning of sports day felt like a massive punch in the stomach. Mummy wasn't there for her. But I had to weigh up the pros and cons of going for the interview - she'll benefit far more in the long term from a mum that isn't so stressed from work. I realise that any job has stress and problems, but the current position just seems a futile battle at times.

Anybody want to guess how many times I've cried myself to sleep this week?

The conversation I had with lessa and Dragon M Sir last night was lovely - I'd missed seeing them so much this much. But I even upset myself over that in the end. I pretty much pulled out of the conversation and went into hiding. This week has just left me so low that I don't feel equipped to handle normal conversations. I can be genuinely happy for a while, then something will hit home and get me worried, then I go into hiding. At work....I've fought all week and been strong and not taken any 'crap'. I think that sometimes leaves me less emotionally able to deal with private issues. Nobody at work ever sees me weak......Im always strong there.

Let's hope that over the next couple of weeks things settle down.

Smiles....I'm spending this afternoon at my mum's holiday caravan - a bbq, bike rides and fun with the kids. Proper mum and daughter time. And I'll enjoy the chance to just wind down and be me. No fighting.

love and huggs

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In between....

Looking at my posts, I’ve seen how few lately have been D/s themed. The majority of my posts have been about family, friends, work and holidays.

This ‘mix’ of postings actually reflects my life pretty well. Master and I, as most of you know, aren’t 24/7 - I’m His girl all of the time, but we just don’t live together (neither of us are that masochistic! *winks at Him). We both have very full, very busy lives but we stay in contact between our pretty infrequent meets.

That’s the hard part of submission. It’s easy to feel submissive kneeling before Him, or just in His company, but the rest of the time can be the taxing bit. Sometimes, when I haven’t heard from Him or seen Him for quite a while, I worry that I’m not an interest for Him anymore, that I have nothing to offer Him now. I’m His ‘hard play’ girl – what if He no longer wants that? But I know that if He didn't want me, I wouldn't still be with Him. Our shortage of real time meets has a lot to do with the fact that His poor girl lives 'up North' in Stoke !!! Lol.

At the difficult times, I remember how He carved His initials on me again at our last meet in Wales, and told me that they should last a ‘good twelve months’ – grins – He must be planning on keeping me around for a while. Putting His initials on a girl isn’t something He does lightly. I know He enjoys our time together, enjoys teasing me in the chat room and I'm sure He knows the effect it has on me in there when He starts telling me and room all about how long that lovely rubber flogger of His is !!! *whimpers!!

So for now, I get on with life and remember that I’m His. I know He’d be proud of how I conduct my life – my family, work etc. I remember the conversations we’ve had in the past about how proud He is of me, and how He thinks more of me, not less, for wanting to try new things – I’ll take His words at face value and not try to read anything else into them. I’m not going to think well, maybe He says that, but subconsciously He doesn’t mean it *grins.

I have a lovely Master (albeit One that has Knickerbocker Glories and teases me about it !!!) and He knows that He has a devoted girl.

When it comes down to it – isn’t that what counts?

All my love Master
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The flights are booked !!

I booked all my flights today - the flights for the girls and I to go to the Netherlands in August, and my solo flight to France in September. It feels great to have finally booked them - I feel a big step closer to the holidays now.

The girls are so excited about our trip to Holland. They can't wait to meet lessa and RB, who they've seen on web cam (and erm....they're REALLY anxious to meet the four legged residents too !!). They're also keen to meet DragonM Sir, who spoke to them on the phone while we were in Wales and kept teasing them about their mum driving on the wrong side of the road ! My older daughter in particular thinks that anyone who can persuade her Mum to go on a rollercoaster at the Efteling must be good !! (looks at Him and gets my redredred tshirt ready).

My daughters have already benefitted from my friendship with elle. As we've said before, she's like a second Mum to them. They pick up very quickly from me how I feel about people. They immediately knew that I thought a lot of elle and they bonded with her instantly. By the same token, they're smart enough to know when I don't feel comfortable with someone - whether because of instinct or past experience. It's no use me introducing them to someone and telling them this is a good person, this is a friend, if I'm then 'closed off' to the person in question. They can sense that I've put up a barrier for whatever reason. Children are so perceptive like that, and pick up extremely quickly whether someone is accepted. It wouldn't be fair to them to let them meet people as friends and then have me sit back and not interact - it would give off mixed signals and confuse them. Grins...ok..they may not know the nature of my friendships, but they know when people are my friends, or if I'm just pretending.

So...i think in August they'll be cuddling with lessa, playfighting with RB and chasing Dragon M Sir with pillows (oh please girls yes !!!). They'll be learning more Dutch, laughing at the Nederlands version of Coronation Street and realising just how steep Dutch stairs are !!!

But they'll be having so much fun - just like they do with our lovely elle - happy with Mum's friends, taking advantage of having people to gang up with against me, and enjoying time with a happy, relaxed Mum.

I, for one , can't wait.

kusssssssssss voor mijn lieve vriends.
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Cadburys...

Sighs......

My willpower needs to be so strong later this month. Having been losing weight for a couple of weeks at a nice steady rate, I'm now visiting England's main chocolate factory in the summer holidays !! I'm taking a school trip there (along with my own daughters) and get to taste warm, melted chocolate, try free samples and come away with a goodie bag.

Groans.....I can resist anything except temptation !

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Chain reaction....

Grins....lessa sent me this wonderful picture. She saw for herself the way I react to chains so knew I'd love this picture.


Just PLEASE....don't call me Barbie !!!

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Have I told you lately...?

To all the special people in my life.....have I told you I love you lately?

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Broadening horizons....

As part of my job, I arrange day trips and activities for the students at school – I’ve arranged a very full program for the six week holiday.

Today I spoke to one of the younger children from the school about the activities. He couldn’t believe that they would have access to these trips. The boy in question told me that ‘things like that are always for other people, not us’. One of the simplest trips – a day at a space centre – had him amazed. He’s had a long term interest in space and related topics, but his family have never recognized it as anything more than a ‘phase he’s going through’. They’ve certainly never encouraged him.

In the last few weeks I’ve worked closely with the science department, and I’ve been amazed at how many kids are desperately eager to learn when given the opportunity. Other kids who are labeled troublemakers are dumbfounded at the idea of a day in Wales – a ninety minute trip, but one that their familes won’t make because they don’t venture outside our city.

And no – it’s not a matter of money. One of the more affluent families in our school has a Mercedes I’d die for, but they refused to let their child go on a day-trip to London this year because, ‘What good will it do him? He lives here’.

It saddens me to see so many children brought up it such a way – their minds closed to 99% of the world because they’ll never go there.

My kids are lucky – we’ve encouraged them to do as much as they can. They’re both on school council, because they want to make a difference, even my seven year old, and I’m so proud of that. They’ve been on cruises, they’ve been to Pompeii, Rome, Casablanca – they know there is life outside our city, and so many kids don’t. We’ve worked damned hard to pay for these things, nothing is taken for granted.

Parts of my job I love – other parts, such as seeing kids who think the world stops two streets away I don’t like. A boy was just brought into my office by a teacher – the boy had been rude to me at lunchtime, pushed past me, disobeyed me, verbally abused me…..

….he stood there in his shirt that hadn’t been washed for three weeks, trousers still caked in mud from when he fell last Monday, and big rips in both that hadn’t been sewn. It turned out that he was on the corridor (where he’s not supposed to be) because all the other students make fun of him because of his appearance. So, if he’s in places he shouldn’t be, at least no kids are hitting him because he smells, and he sees teacher interaction, whether positive or negative, as attention.

Instead of putting him on suspension, I’ve now got him doing a duty with me – HE will patrol the corridors and stop kids being in off-limit areas. Hopefully he’ll see that positive attention from a member of staff is better than the negative variety.

When he left my office, he actually smiled and said…. ‘thanks Miss’.

Will give my girls such massive hugs tonight.

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Going Dutch.....

A few people know that I’m trying to learn some basic Dutch. Grins…..my pronunciation needs so much work !!

In our regular chat room the other day, a Dutch submissive came in, I managed to exchange a few lines of conversation…...only 4 or 5. I even managed to tell her that I’m sorry, I only speak a little Dutch ! *grins. It wasn’t much, but I felt so proud.

Not being linguistically gifted, I’ve worked hard to learn some basic phrases, and have picked up more just through IM conversation with lessa and Dragon M Sir….and phone conversations with them are helping my diabolical pronunciation.

I’m learning it (or trying to) for a few reasons. Partly because I see it as a courtesy to learn some basic words if I intend visiting another country (and I definitely intend visiting Holland again). Partly because I love to learn, even though languages aren’t my forte. And part of my reasoning is that it’s good to learn a few phrases of the language spoken by the man that’s going to have ‘no limits’ on you in a few months !!! If I really act up and annoy Him, I’m hoping that telling Him ‘het spijt me, Dragon M Sir’ (I’m sorry) will help to get me off the hook *grins. Although I must say that the temptation to tell Him ‘goed gedaan jochie’ (well done!) after a flogging will be soooooooo hard to resist !! *laughing.

(points at lessa..she taught me that !!!!)

I’m working my way through a list of phrases that lessa was kind enough to teach me – there are NO Dutch lessons in my city !! And a certain someone has added another phrase to my list…….one which would NEVER be in a standard phrase book !! *grins

So…for now….back to the studying…..tot morgen, en knufffffffels en kussssssss!!!

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