Guest posting from elle

I have thought long and hard about whether I posted this piece. A situation occurred recently which has upset me greatly and I have talked it through with M and close friends. One of these friends, a very wise Dom, suggested that as I had always managed to process my feelings through writing in the past I might find it cathartic to do so in this case (thank you for that advice kind Sir... you are probably right.... again!! ......soft smiles).

I saw recently how very hurt and upset a dear friend of ours was when those who she considered to be friends decided to write things about her which were at best very thoughtless and at worst extremely cruel. Those who know me well know how extremely strongly I felt about this and, when discussing the situation with her and her Master, I could also see how much it had hurt him to see his precious lady so maligned. He told me at the time there will always be those who do not know or, even when they do know, choose not to accept the truth of someone's situation. To use his words..... "everyone is entitled to their opinion, but it doesn't make them right". I never realised at the time that what he said then would so soon also apply to my own situation!!!

I have been reminded of those words when I discovered people who I wholeheartedly trusted hold views about me privately which they do not have the courage to say to my face. While I will not go into the full detail here, this was about the relationship M and I have, and my submission to him. I do not propose to 'out' those people here, or to discuss this in any other forum.......those concerned will have to live with their own consciences about how true a friend they are/have been both to me and to M. I believed our friendship and indeed their characters were stronger than that. Suffice it to say it has shaken to the core my belief in my instincts about people and who we can truly trust. I know our two friends mentioned earlier (particularly the lovely lady...hugs) will understand from their own situation, such damage takes a long time to repair... and may never fully do so.

As I have always done when I have had any concerns, I naturally talked to M about this. He is disappointed in his girl for allowing other people's opinions to matter so much, and I know he is right.... I am somewhat disappointed in myself. As he said, he sees me as a strong woman with my own thoughts and feelings and, if he and I know the truth about our situation, other people's opinions should not matter. He accepts, although doesn't fully understand, why I feel the injustice of such opinions undermine my gift of submission to him. I know I must keep in mind his view that the only time I should feel troubled is if HE undermined that gift... which in his words 'I have never done and never intend to do'. That, and remembering much earlier words from him about my submission being 'a gift so precious it could not begin to be described' have provided some much needed comfort.

I think what has shaken me most, apart from the obvious breach of trust, is that such narrowness of view about relationships, and how they are all so very different, should come from people within our community who I honestly believed 'got it' ............. could see past the neat little boxes that many try to put us in in order to make themselves feel more comfortable. It has been a difficult but valuable lesson for me to discover that even amongst those who profess to understand the diversity of relationships which exist in our community, there are some who find it easier to dismiss and devalue that which they don't understand than to take the time and trouble to educate themselves and broaden their understanding.

For those who have taken the time to listen and be there for me recently a huge thank you.... I know you will understand why I am currently a little 'guarded'.

And clare....thank you for allowing me to post this here.... it is the only 'home' where this particular piece would have felt right.

xxxxx